53 Breaking habits, ethos, and fear of people's opinion

No. 53 – 8 Dec 2023

Welcome to the 53rd edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on building resilience.

Article

Top 5 negative emotional habits and how to identify and fix them.

— Read more​

Quote

Kahlil Gibran, on struggle:

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."

Insight

Renowned psychologist Dr. Jim Loehr has studied character for decades. And he and his colleagues came up with the ONE document to get through the ups and downs of life:

It's called your PERSONAL CONSTITUTION. Here's how to create it:

1. Mission

This is your statement of purpose. When all else fails, you’ll look to this to inspire you to action. Some questions to get you thinking:

• What’s worth giving your life up for?

• What makes your life worth living?

2. Best true self

Why are you chasing what you’re chasing and who are you becoming as a result of the chase? They’re your rules of engagement for living that help bring your purpose to life. Exercise:

Write out 5–10 words that describe you at your best.

3. Best moral self

This is your moral character, your values. Exercise:

• Write about your best moral self. Give examples.

• How do you discern between right and wrong?

• What moral character traits do you want to live by?

4. People you love and cherish the most

Your circle has a way of pulling you back to where you need to be. Exercise:

• Identify 5 people you dearly care about.

• Identify 3 people you admire or would call heroes or idols in your life.

5. Legacy

What do you want to pass on to your loved ones after you’re gone? To your kids, partner, parents, friends, community?

6. Vision

To know where you’re going, it helps to know your destination. Exercise:

• What are your dreams?

• Who do you want to become?

• Where do you want to go?

• What problems do you want to solve?

• Who do you want to affect and help?

You won’t regret spending the time to build this document. It’s the only document that you’ll want to have with you and revisit time and time again. When you feel lost and faced with the chaos in life, pull it out and read it out loud. Don’t underestimate its power.

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to building resilience, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Resentful

Definition | Feeling or expressing bitterness or indignation at having been treated unfairly.

Origin | From French 'ressentir', re-, and sentir 'to feel'; from the Latin 'sentire'.

Betrayed

Definition | Treacherously abandoned, deserted, or mistreated.

Origin | From Old French trair, based on Latin tradere ‘hand over’.

Question

Fear of people's opinions (FOPO) has the power to stop us in our tracks. It makes us miss out on countless opportunities at work or in social settings. How can you push past those fears next time they creep up on you?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

52 Power of discomfort, time and timidness

No. 52 – 1 Dec 2023

Welcome to the 52nd edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on building resilience.

Article

One simple, timeless activity to schedule and go from anxious to self-confident.

— Read more​

Quote

Andy Warhol, on time:

"They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself."

Insight

She's one of the baddest females on the planet. An ultra-endurance runner who consistently wins 200+ mile races, beating males and females. Who is she and how does she do it? She uses these 4 mindset shifts:

First, Courtney Duwalter doesn't just run ultra races. She runs the big ones--100 to 240+ mile foot races with tens of thousands of feet of elevation gain. In 2017, she won the Moab 240-mile race and finished 10 hours ahead of the next runner, a never-before-seen record.

1. Learn to thrive in the pain cave

Pain cave is when you're hurting and all you want to do is quit. But that's the precise point at which growth happens. The longer you're in the pain cave, the more pain you can bear next time.

Apply it

• Recognize when you're in it

• Tell yourself this is exactly where you need to be

• Breathe, relax, and embrace it

2. Surround yourself with the right people

Just like a professional athlete relies on his/her teammates and coaches to succeed, we too should do the same.

Apply it

• Surround yourself with people who increase your positive emotions

• Surround yourself with people who inspire you

• Surround yourself with people who can mentor you

3. Have a mantra when things start getting hard

Courtney's mantra: "Just keep going, don't stop." She repeats this to herself for hours.

Apply it

• Create a phrase you can tell yourself when things get tough and put it on repeat in your mind.

4. Dance for the love of dancing

Surprisingly, Courtney doesn't use fancy gadgets and complex logs to track her performance. Because she doesn't do it for that, she runs because it's what fulfills her. She runs for the love of running.

Apply it

• Find something you enjoy doing and the pain will become more bearable.

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to building resilience, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Timid

Definition | Showing a lack of courage or confidence; easily frightened.

Origin | Mid 16th century: from Latin timidus, from timere 'to fear'.

Humble

Definition | Having or showing a modest estimate of one's value or importance; not arrogant or self-important.

Origin | From Latin humilis 'low, lowly', from humus 'ground'.

Question

Discomfort is temporary but once embraced creates courage and self-confidence. Actively seeking discomfort is counter-intuitive as human nature tells us to find safety, but we can't grow as a person if we have too many easy days.

When was the last time you were outside your comfort zone?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

51 Sub-conscience, old-age, and insecurities

No. 51 – 24 Nov 2023

Welcome to the 51st edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on building resilience.

Article

How to unlock the best parts of your brain and ring out your untapped potential.

— Read more​

Quote

Maya Angelou, on maturity:

“Most people don’t grow up. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honor their married, have credit cards, get children, and call that maturity. What that is, is aging.

Insight

Friction → struggle → new perspective → confidence → courage

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to building resilience, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Indifferent

Definition | Having no particular interest or sympathy; unconcerned.

Origin | Old French from Latin indifferent- 'not making any difference'.

Insecure

Definition | Not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious.

Origin | Mid 17th century: from medieval Latin insecurus 'unsafe'.

Question

Some events are uncontrollable—the death of a loved one, sudden illness, or unfair treatment by others.

But understanding what’s up to you and what’s not helps regulate the strong emotions that arise from these events.

What are some things you know for a fact are not under your control and how can you remind yourself of these things next time misfortune strikes?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

50 Pushing limits, joyful stress, and self-discovery

No. 50 – 17 Nov 2023

Welcome to the 50th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on building resilience.

Article

Four science- and philosophy-backed mental frameworks to apply before taking on a hard challenge or task.

— Read more​

Quote

T. S. Eliot, on pushing past one's limits:

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”

Insight

The 8 powerful mental shifts to loving high stress and living out your day dream:

Stress and pressure cloud the mind. Both are obstacles to our dreams. Let’s see how we can embrace them.

1. Block out the noise

Focus on: Actions Effort Intent These we can control.

Be indifferent to:

What the world is doing
Whether someone is failing or succeeding
Whether someone is judging you

These we can’t control. When we focus on the right things, our stress becomes clearer and more manageable.

2. Build a value compass

Stress, pressure, and anxiety will narrow our attention to what’s going on in the moment. Nothing else seems to matter. This is the exact time to go deep and remind ourselves of what’s most important to us.

The goal — to expand our perspective beyond our current suffering. Which means we need to go back and ask ourselves (before we even start executing) what’s most important to us: What do I value? What’s most important to me? What renews my perspective on my current situation?

Once we figure out our values, we need to constantly ask: Am I on the right path? Am I where I should be right now? Is this stress part of the journey to achieving my goals?

3. Create a secondary passion

We have an ingrained perception that success comes from constant grinding and hustling. This perception is scientifically flawed. Hard work is essential.

But having a second passion is just as essential. Because second passions disconnect us from the constant grind. And disconnecting is the means to renew and recharge to come back stronger when it’s time to perform again. Find a second passion.

4. Plan small goals with a focus on the long-term goal

That way we can make sure our tasks align with our projects, our projects with our goals, and our goals with our values.

5. Get into healthy competition

It puts our skills to the test. It tests our emotional mastery. It builds character.

3 simple ways to inject competition into our lives: Surround yourself with people who are some steps ahead and inspire you. Find activities where you can compete (e.g., second passion). Train with people who will push you the hardest.

6. Seek constant feedback

• Know your tendencies, i.e., patterns in how you respond.

• Separate the content of the feedback from the giver of the feedback.

• Change your perspective on feedback and see it as potential coaching.

• Evaluate the feedback.

• Be proactive about it, i.e., seek it out and don’t wait to get it.

• Put the feedback into practice with small experiments.

• Build a community of support who can give you frank feedback.

7. Analyze successes

Having a list of past successes is a confidence booster, especially when you can review it in the middle of a stress storm. For that, we have to work backward and extract the following from past victories: What strategies and tactics did you use so you can use them again? What decisions did you make? What problems did you solve? What best practices can you make a note of?

8. See and own it

See it

This means properly naming and labeling the stress. It’s about acknowledging its existence rather than burying it.

Own it

This means managing expectations. Stress is part of the journey. If it was easy, we wouldn’t feel what we feel. Some goals are more difficult than others. Understand it’s what we chose to do. It’ll make us stronger.

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to building resilience, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Confident

Definition | Feeling or showing confidence in oneself; self-assured.

Origin | Late 16th century: from Latin confident- 'having full trust'.

Proud

Definition | Feeling deep pleasure or satisfaction as a result of one's own achievements, qualities, or possessions.

Origin | Late Old English prūt, 'having a high opinion of one's own worth'.

Question

How would your friends describe you in three words?

In most cases, they won't match up with yours as we are our own worst critic.

But at the end of the day, how do you want to describe your ideal self?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

49 Hurry less, play dumb, and refocus

No. 49 – 10 Nov 2023

Welcome to the 49th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on building resilience.

Article

Use these 2,300-year-old Stoic meditations for managing your pain.

— Read more​

Quote

Virginia Wolf, on being authentic:

"No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anyone but oneself."

Insight

Ever tried being dumb on purpose? Socrates, the founder of Western philosophy, did it all the time. It means talking to people and pretending you're ignorant of whatever topic is being discussed. Here are 6 hardcore benefits to doing it and unlocking your full potential:

1/ You practice numbing your fear (and feeling) of humiliation

The more you feel an emotion, the more familiar it becomes. The more you run away from an emotion, the more formidable you make it.

2/ You learn more

When you speak less, you listen more. You observe a person’s facial expressions, cues, gestures, words, and so on. You gain more information to help you make better decisions.

3/ You practice taming the ego

The ego wants to puff out its chest. It wants to let other people know how much it knows. Staying quiet teaches the ego that it doesn’t have to show up every time.

4/ You improve your empathy

Less talking provides you with an opportunity to do more intentional listening and understanding. The effect is newly learned perspectives.

5/ You improve your self-awareness

You can observe what’s around you. Things slow down.

6/ You adopt a beginner’s mind

The difference between a white belt and a black belt in martial arts is that a black belt never stops learning.

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to building resilience, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Overwhelmed

Definition | To have a strong emotional effect about something.

Powerless

Definition | Without ability, influence, or power.

Question

Setting priorities on what needs your focus and what doesn't is one of the most underrated ways to beat overwhelm and thrive, not just survive.

What steps can you take to ensure that you're focused on the right things at the right time?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

48 Hemingway's advice, gratitude, and power of relationships

No. 48 – 3 Nov 2023

Welcome to the 48th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on building resilience.

Article

Tips on toughness, focus, and mastery from Nobel prize winner and one of America's most influential 20th-century writers.

— Read more​

Quote

Epicurus, on being grateful:

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."

Insight

The Harvard Study of Adult Development is one of the world's longest running longitudinal studies. Since 1938.

Most important finding: if you want to live a happy & long life, the quality of your relationships matters most. Here's how to do it:

The most emotionally intelligent people don't ignore their emotions or allow them to drive their actions subconsciously. They employ the WISER model. It stands for: watch, interpret, select, engage, reflect.

WATCH

If you want to respond well to an emotion, you first need to take a pause, name it, and understand what triggered it.

INTERPRET

Look for assumptions made and any factors (e.g., from earlier events) contributing to your emotion.

SELECT

Select a course of action to guide you to your desired result.

ENGAGE

Take action on the course of action you selected.

REFLECT

Reflect on what went well and what didn't so you can improve your response next time.

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to building resilience, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Confident

Definition | Feeling or showing confidence in oneself; self-assured.

Origin | Late 16th century: from Latin confident- ‘having full trust’, from the verb confidere, from con- (expressing intensive force) + fidere ‘trust’.

Respected

Definition | To be admired (someone or something) deeply, as a result of abilities, qualities, or achievements.

Origin | Late Middle English: from Latin respectus, from the verb respicere ‘look back at, regard’.

Question

When was the last time you were very angry over something or at somebody and how did you channel this emotion?

Aristotle said, “Anybody can become angry—that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

47 Daydreams, worry, and feeling judged

No. 47 – 27 Oct 2023

Welcome to the 47th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on building resilience.

Article

The 8 mental shifts to falling in love with stress and living out your daydream.

— Read more​

Quote

Mark Twain, on worry:

"I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened."

Insight

How Shaolin monks achieve inner peace (anyone can do it):

They finger-punch trees. They break stones in half with their bare hands. They balance their bodies on sharp spears. They bend metal pipes with their heads. They’re some of the hardest humans alive. How do they do it?

Recluse from pleasures, discipline, early rising, and sitting meditation of course. But their real secret? Martial arts, in their case, Shaolin kung fu. Why? Two words: body awareness.

Shaolin monks understand that fortifying the mind starts with body awareness. The key to developing body awareness lies in a set of principles to be learned and practiced.

Principle 1 — breathe

Breathing that’s not in sync with the body causes the body to tense up. Without relaxed breathing, nothing works. You gas out, can’t think clearly, don’t really know where you are. Stop and get your breathing right.

Mindful inhales and exhales is all you need to put your body back in sync with your mind. Calm breathing precedes clear thinking and action.

Principle 2 — your center

In Japanese martial arts, it’s called the hara, the area just below the belly button. It’s the center of gravity and center of the body. Being centered means being physically balanced with good posture.

Good posture means shoulders upright, hips above the legs, arms relaxed, knees slightly bent (not locked). Being aware of all these small details is mindfulness in practice.

Principle 3 — action/reaction (requires partner)

In judo, like in dancing, there’s a principle called action/reaction. It involves proper timing and feeling the other person’s energy. Next time you find yourself dancing with a partner, play with timing and see what happens.

Beautiful effects — peel the onion

Over time, with enough body awareness, you start to peel away the tension in your body until you get closer to your true nature. Your true nature is one that’s relaxed during tough times, able to think and feel, and be in the present moment.

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to building resilience, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Humiliated

Definition | To feel ashamed and foolish by having one's dignity and self-respect injured, especially publicly.

Origin | From late Latin humiliat- 'made humble'; the original meaning was 'bring low'.

Judged

Definition | Receiving an opinion or conclusion from someone.

Origin | From Old French juger.

Question

Positive experiences fuel optimistic thinking. Optimistic thinking fuels your resilience and recharges the soul.

What gives you joy and hope? What makes you see your problems in a different light and alleviates their severity?

Review these answers regularly and create more of these experiences.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

46 Fleeting happiness and inner tyrant

No. 46 – 20 Oct 2023

Welcome to the 46th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on building resilience.

Article

The two simple and timeless ways for unleashing your formidability.

— Read more​

Quote

Maxim Gorkyhave, on happiness:

“Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands, but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is.”

Insight

8 cognitive traits for thriving in any high-stress environment:

1/ Intellectual humility

We don’t know what we don’t know, and, we can only be so much aware of our own biases.

How to get it: Don’t be pretentious, boastful, or conceited with your knowledge. Practice humility.

2/ Intellectual courage

This one’s about addressing viewpoints, ideas, and beliefs you don't agree with. You can’t be true to your thinking and decision-making if you avoid ideas you disagree with.

How to get: Welcome ideas and see where they take you. Suspend judgment and what you know, at least initially.

3/ Intellectual empathy

If you want to understand a problem, you have to place yourself in the shoes of other perspectives.

How to get: Put aside ego for a little while to absorb other perspectives different from your own.

4/ Intellectual autonomy

Think for yourself. It requires that you think for yourself.

How to get: Learn not to follow the majority.

5/ Intellectual integrity

This is the need to be consistent in one’s own thinking.

How to get: Focus on being consistent in thoughts and actions.

6/ Intellectual perseverance

This is none other than embracing serendipity and continuing to push forward despite it. This helps achieve deeper understandings and insights.

How to get: Understand that learning is not a straight line.

7/ Confidence in reason

This is focused on trusting that reason will get us closer to solving our problems and making better decisions.

How to get: Understand that critical thinking is the path to increased clarity.

8/ Fairmindedness

This trait tells us to reserve judgment on different ideas and perspectives until we've given it a fair shot to examine it.

How to get: Catch yourself when your emotions are about to arise and remind yourself to be objective and fair.

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to building resilience, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Jealous

Definition | Feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages.

Origin | From medieval Latin zelosus (zealous).

Bitter

Definition | Angry, hurt, or resentful because of one's bad experiences or a sense of unjust treatment.

Origin | Related to Dutch and German bitter, and probably to bite.

Question

Progress is a byproduct of proactive responsibility. Waiting around for things to happen is a recipe for disappointment.

What can you do to move the needle?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

45 Introspection, nobility, and speaking up

No. 45 – 13 October 2023

Welcome to the 45th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on building resilience.

Article

These are the 10 science-backed questions to ask yourself to improve performance and self-mastery.

— Read more​

Quote

"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self."

— Ernest Hemingway

Insight

At some point, you're going to have to speak up.

At some point, you're going to have to take action.

At some point, you're going to have to stand for something.

Don't keep being mediocre.

Be proactive in facing your fears.

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to building resilience, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Anxious

Definition | Experiencing worry, unease, or nervousness, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

Origin | Mid 16th century: from Latin anxius (from angere 'to choke').

Apprehensive

Definition | Anxious or fearful that something bad or unpleasant will happen.

Origin | From Latin apprehendere 'seize, grasp'.

Question

Constructive feedback is a gift and should be taken with open arms. But, for various reasons, we fear it. We can get around this fear by asking friends, family, and/or work colleagues we trust.

The best kind of feedback is proactive. Which 3 individuals can you identify and ask for feedback?

Some starter questions:

• What's one thing you believe comes naturally to me?

• What's one thing I struggle with doing?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

44 Music, emotional signpost, and thought spiral

No. 44 – 6 Oct 2023

Welcome to the 44th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on building resilience.

Article

The 6 ancient frameworks to help you thrive in high-stress situations.

— Read more​

Quote

“Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.”

— Hellen Keller

Insight

Music can lift you out of your helplessness. Out of your despair and lowest points. Because it can influence your mood and change your perspective.

Here are 6 classic songs to give you a boost:

1/ Don't Stop Believin' by Journey
2/ It's My Life by Bon Jovi
3/ Dream On by Aerosmith
4/ Imagine by John Lennon
5/ I Can See Clearly Now by Johnny Nash
6/ What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong

Which would you add?

Emotional Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it. And it's key to building resilience. It becomes a pause for reflection and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to distinguish:

Hopeless

Definition | Feeling of despair about something; having no expectation of good or success; not susceptible to remedy or cure.

Origin | Mainly British English inadequate; incompetent.

Drained

Definition | Deprived of strength or vitality; worn out; exhausted.

Origin | Old English, strain, of Germanic origin; related to dry.

Question

Catastrophizing impacts your performance and mental toughness. It can turn into a downward spiral of negative thoughts, lead to multiple unrelated thoughts, or cause you to ruminate about one single thought for hours. They increase your anxiety and take up cognitive space for clear thinking and decision-making.

Challenging their existence, rationalizing them away, or trying to quiet them are all ineffective in the long term.

What do you do when you find yourself in these thinking patterns?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

43 Master thinking, mind power, and mood killer

No. 43 – 29 September 2023

Welcome to the 43rd edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on building resilience.

Article

The 8 cognitive critical thinking traits needed for problem-solving through small and formidable obstacles.

— Read more​

Quote

On the importance of authentic connections and progress:

“Our relationships offer us the very context in which we understand our progress and comprehend the usefulness of what we’re learning.”

— Source: Primal Leadership: The Hidden Driver of Great Performance by Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, and Annie McKee​

Insight

3 ancient philosophy exercises to strengthen your mind and add some joy:

Philosophy has always been about askēsis, meaning ‘exercise’ in Greek.

Practice and exposure, not just reading and thinking about esoteric, mythical, or cosmological topics.

1/ Exercise on physical definitions

Marcus Aurelius used this often while away fighting wars for long periods of time.

“Look at the object itself as it is in its essence, in its nudity, and tell yourself the name which is peculiar to it.”

Explanation

It’s an exercise on defining objects that present themselves, on things or events that have the potential to incite our passions.

Application

Define what’s in front of you with specificity, strip it down, describe it, then assess the situation once more. You’re forced to take a pause and ask, “What’s actually going on here?” “Am I perceiving this incorrectly?”

2/ Exercise on preparing for evils and death

Philo of Alexandria says that those who practice premeditation of obstacles, “Do not flinch beneath the blows of Fate, because they have calculated its attacks in advance.”

Explanation

There will be obstacles in pursuit of your goals and dreams. You can either prepare in advance for those obstacles or wait for them to hit you in the face.

Application

Don’t wait for bad things to happen. Anticipate them and think of worst-case scenarios and how you could respond to them.

3/ Exercise on body and soul

The Stoic Musonius Rufus affirmed that people who undertake to philosophize need to stress the body and mind together.

“If we accustom ourselves to the cold, to heat, to hunger, to frugal nourishment,...and to tolerance of unpleasant things.”

Explanation

This is an exercise in scarcity. The more comfortable you are, the more difficult it becomes to take risks and challenge yourself. Scarcity helps harden the spirit by putting the body and mind under duress. Over time, it adapts to its new conditions.

Application

Practice modesty in food and clothes. If that becomes too easy, start fasting. If that becomes your norm, reenact your poverty and strip away everything but the bare essentials for a day. Don’t get too comfortable.

Emotion

Consternation

Definition | Feelings of anxiety or dismay, typically at something unexpected.

Origin | early 17th century from Latin consternatio(n-), from the verb consternare 'lay prostrate, terrify'.

Question

​Research shows that our moods and emotions can change based on the people we surround ourselves with, and vice versa.

Think about a toxic leader at work or a cheerful and warm friend or coworker. Called 'mood contagion,' it’s a neurological process that's akin to “smile and the whole world smiles with you.” One person’s mood can alter the physiology of another person—their sleep, heart rate, and even immune functions.

Who are the people in your life who bring positivity and who are the ones that bring you down?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here and then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

42 Connections, energy, and stress

No. 42 – 22 September 2023

Welcome to the 42nd edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter on building resilience, courage, and happiness.

Article

The 4 rules to building unique relationships that help push you through the toughest of times.

— Read more​

Quote

Seneca, on finding peace through envisioning likely worst-case scenarios:

"The man who fears death will never do anything worthy of a man who is alive; but he who knows that these were the conditions drawn up for him when he was conceived will live according to this rule and at the same time, through the same strength of mind, he will ensure that none of what happens to him will come unexpectedly. For by looking ahead to all that may happen as though it were going to happen, he will soften the attacks of all ills, which bring nothing unforeseen to those who are prepared and expectant, but comes as a serious blow to those who show no concern and expect only blessings."

— Source: On the Tranquility of the Mind​

Insight

To be at your best, you have to be mindful of and manage your energy.

Things likes thoughts, emotions, and physiological reactions.

All affect the type and quality of energy.

Everyone's different and also depends on the type of activity.

Question

Preparation is key if you want to be at your best. One of the best forms of preparation is recreating the environment you're to perform in with increasing doses of stress exposure.

For instance, you have a goal you want to achieve but it's full of fears you can't get passed. What can you do to recreate the environment and gradually expose yourself to this fear? And, eventually, conquer it?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

41 Time, sunny valleys, and energy bursts

No. 41 – 15 September 2023

Welcome to the 41st edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter on building resilience, courage, and happiness.

Article

There are 9 crucial and time-honored values to integrate into your life if you want more clarity on your decisions and actions.

— Read more​

Poem

I may not reach the heights I seek,
My untried strength may fail me;
Or, half-way up the mountain peak,
Fierce tempests may assail me.
But though that place I never gain,
Herein lies comfort for my pain—
I will be worthy of it.

I may not triumph in success,
Despite my earnest labor;
I may not grasp results that bless
The efforts of my neighbor;
But though my goal I never see
This thought shall always dwell with me—
I will be worthy of it.

The golden glory of Love's light
May never fall on my way;
My path may always lead through night,
Like some deserted by-way;
But though life's dearest joy I miss
There lies a nameless strength in this—
I will be worthy of it.

— Source: I Will be Worthy of It by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Insight

Happiness is a byproduct of adversity. The more you expose yourself to it, the happier and stronger you become. The less you do it, the more anxious you become.

“Trees that have grown in a sunny valley lack strength." Seneca

Question

Life can be like a series of sprints and marathons.

Sometimes, commitments require consistent effort. Other times, they require bursts of energy followed by recovery.

The issue is that we tend to keep pushing without proper rest and recovery.

Which of your tasks need sustained energy and which ones need short bursts? And what sort of activities actually work to help you recover and rejuvenate?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

40 Anger, gaining time, and teamwork

No. 40 – 8 September 2023

Welcome to the 40th edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter on building resilience, courage, and happiness.

Article

Anger is an emotion that requires close monitoring, as it can lead to regret. There are 9 timeless strategies, backed by ancient wisdom and scientific research, that can help you overcome anger and channel it to get what you're after.

— Read more​

Quote

"Just as fire tempers iron into fine steel so does adversity temper one’s character into firmness, tolerance, and determination.”

— Margaret Chase Smith, Lieutenant Colonel, US Air Force Reserve and US Senator

Insight

How to be more courageous so you can live happier and be more confident in life... It lies in mastering these 2 ancient Stoic techniques:

The goal of these techniques — preparation. To familiarize yourself with the unfamiliar. To fortify the mind.

1/ Live out your worst-case scenarios

1.a. Schedule it

Schedule the worst that can happen in whatever endeavor you’re pursuing and then reenact it. “If you want a man to keep his head when the crisis comes you must give him some training before it comes." Seneca

1.b. Visualize it

It makes it more real and has a way of getting the mind familiarized. “We should project our thoughts ahead of us at every turn and have in mind every possible eventuality instead of only the usual course of events.” Seneca

2/ Meditate on your mortality

What’s the worst-case scenario in everything we do? It’s not losing a competition, failing to get a promotion, or being rejected by a loved one. It’s death.

Socrates says, “To philosophize is to learn how to die.” Because if we prepare for this ultimate scenario, nothing else will catch us by surprise. In fact, we become more emboldened.

Seneca: “He who fears death will never do anything worthy of a living man." "But he who knows that this was the condition laid down for him at the moment of his conception will live on those terms."

Question

Working in a group or team is one of the most direct ways to assess your ability to get along with others, manage diverse personalities, and express your opinions. It also reveals whether you work to contribute or for personal gain.

Do you seek recognition and praise, or do you strive to advance the mission, regardless of recognition?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

39 Stoic techniques, Invictus, and maximizing energy

No. 39 – 1 September 2023

Welcome to the 39th edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter on building resilience, courage, and happiness.

Article

The last of the Five Good Emperors of Rome regularly practiced two crucial exercises to find joy and peace.

— Read more​

Poem

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

— Source: Invictus by William Ernest Henley

Insight

Resilience builds confidence. And confidence builds you.

Question

To perform at our best, we must be mindful of and manage our energy levels. This includes our thoughts, emotions, and physiological reactions, which all affect the type and quality of energy we need for any given performance activity.

What do you do to achieve your ideal energy state and perform at your best?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

38 Adversity, rebound, and negativity bias

No. 38 – 25 August 2023

Welcome to the 38th edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter on building resilience, courage, and happiness.

Article

We avoid adversity because it's uncomfortable. But, there's an ancient way to redefine it and face it head-on.

— Read more​

Poem

I never saw a wild thing

sorry for itself.

A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough

without ever having felt sorry for itself.

— Source: Self Pity by D.H. Lawrence

Insight

The 3 steps to bouncing back up (which I learned the hard way):

Be kind to self: Accept yourself as you are.

Manage your health: Exercise, nutrition, and sleep are all essential ingredients.

Manage expectations: Building any skill takes time.

Question

We tend to focus more on the bad than the good.

However, research from Martin Seligman and his colleagues demonstrates that we can change our way of thinking and become more optimistic.

More optimistic means more positive emotions and better life satisfaction.

It requires daily reflection on the positive things.

What are some positive events that happened to you today and what can you do tomorrow to enable more of this good thing?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

37 Perspective, ubuntu, and scarcity

No. 37 – 18 August 2023

Welcome to the 37th edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter on building resilience, courage, and happiness.

Article

3 philosophical strength training exercises to sprinkle more joy in your life.

— Read more​

Quote

Seneca, on adversity:

"You are unfortunate in my judgment, for you have never been unfortunate. You have passed through life with no antagonist to face you; no one will know what you were capable of, not even you yourself. For a man needs to be put to the test if he is to gain self-knowledge; only by trying does he learn what his capacities are."

— Source: Seneca: Dialogues and Essays​

Insight

The African secret to living a happy and fulfilled life rests on these 4 basic rules:

It's a philosophy called Ubuntu meaning, "I am because you are." It's about social awareness, a consciousness of others, and understanding that we have a responsibility to one another.

1/ Embrace your community

You're not living in isolation, you belong to a family, a broader community, to the world. Our survival is dependent on others.

2/ Protect the environment

We're co-creators. 30% of food crops in the world rely on cross-pollination from bees, these tiny insects. If you're going to destroy the bees or the earth, you're ultimately destroying yourself.

When the indigenous people in the Amazon go fishing and catch too much fish, they throw some back in the river. Because they understand that the river feeds them, it's a source of life.

3/ Empathize with action

As Mother Theresa said, "Compassion is useless, without action or application." Ubuntu is about action. If you empathize, then go out and share with the vulnerable among you. Make sure that people and your environment are protected.

4/ Share

Fortune comes to those who share their wealth with others, not pile it up for themselves.

Question

Scarcity in possessions teaches the mind to be prepared and adapt to tough times. What are some things you can give up starting today?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

36 Pleasurable pain, longevity, and shyness

No. 36 – 11 August 2023

Welcome to the 36th edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter on building resilience and courage and pushing past your limits.

Article

The 3 proven and practical steps to adopting a stress-is-enhancing mindset, developed over 2,000 years ago.

— Read more​

Quote

Musonius Rufus, on doing good and avoiding the bad:

“If you accomplish something good with hard work, the labor passes quickly, but the good endures; if you do something shameful in pursuit of pleasure, the pleasure passes quickly, but the shame endures.”

— Source: Lectures and Sayings​

Insight

The Japanese secret to living a long and happy life rests on 10 basic rules:

1/ Stay active; don't retire

You lose your purpose when you give up doing things you enjoy.

Continue doing things you value, making progress, and bringing beauty and utility to others, even after you're retired from your "official" job.

2/ Take it slow

"Walk slowly and you'll go far."

Leave urgency behind. Life and time will take on a new meaning.

3/ Don't eat until you're 100% full

Less is more when it comes to longer living.

Eat a little less than your hunger demands instead of stuffing your face.

4/ Surround yourself with good people

Friends are the antidote to excess worry.

5/ Get in shape

Maintain the body daily to keep it running for the long haul.

6/ Smile

Cheerfulness will attract people to you.

Enjoy the moment.

7/ Reconnect with nature

Humans are made for being in nature.

Return to it to recharge your batteries.

8/ Give thanks

To your friends, family, community.

Gratitude = joy

9/ Live in the present

Make the most of the moment.

The past is gone and the future is unknown.

10/ Follow your ikigai

Find the passion inside you, that unique talent that gives meaning to your days and drives you.

Question

There's a difference between being an introvert and being shy.

Introversion is a personality trait that involves finding solace in one's thoughts.

It involves spending time alone or with a small number of people. It's a preference.

Shyness is apprehension around others. It's anxiety-centric and characterized by a fear of judgment or embarrassment.

Are you an introvert or shy?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here and then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

35 Love of wisdom, character, and hurt feelings

No. 35 – 4 August 2023

Welcome to the 35th edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter on building resilience and courage and pushing past your limits.

Article

Ancient philosophy, when understood properly and reduced to its essence, can be one of the most powerful tools to build and fortify the mind.

— Read more​

Quote

Cicero, on using philosophy to improve character and mindset:

“When misfortunes appear on the horizon, we exaggerate them from sheer fright, and when they are right upon us we exaggerate them once more, because of the pain they are causing us. These feelings impel us to put the blame on circumstances when what we ought to be blaming is a deficiency in our own character. The cure for this fault and for all our other failings and offenses is philosophy.”

— Source: On the Good Life​

Insight

The 7 elements to boosting your happiness level according to psychology: (It involves creating a personal constitution):

Mission
Best true self
Best moral self
People you cherish the most
Legacy
Vision
Stories

Question

Having difficult conversations with loved ones takes courage, as it can be uncomfortable and trigger a range of emotions.

What is one conversation that you feel is long overdue?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

34 Death, living philosophy, and legacy

No. 34 – 28 July 2023

Welcome to the 34th edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter on building resilience and courage and pushing past your limits.

Article

The Stoic exercise for unleashing your inner strength and overcoming fear of death.

— Read more​

Quote

Friedrich Nietzsche, on using multiple schools of philosopy to improve his life:

“So far as praxis is concerned, I view the various moral schools as experimental laboratories in which a considerable number of recipes for the art of living have been thoroughly practiced and lived to the hilt. The results of all their experiments belong to us, as our legitimate property. Thus, we will not hesitate to adopt a Stoic recipe just because we have profited in the past from Epicurean recipes.”

Source: What is Ancient Philosophy​

Insight

Examine your thoughts, actions, and beliefs to live a meaningful and virtuous life. Without introspection, you might blindly follow societal norms or personal desires without questioning their ethical or philosophical validity.

Question

Imagine yourself at your own funeral. What would you want your partner, friends, siblings, children to say about you? How do you want to be remembered?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef