the True Progress Newsletter
Every Sunday, you'll get 3 insights, 1 challenge, and 1 system to help you conquer fear, upgrade resilience, and become unstoppable.
Previous Issues
93 Are you living your purpose, or just going through the motions?
No. 93 – 6 Oct 2024
Welcome to the 93rd edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on cultivating inner control and resilience for high performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
INSIGHTS
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The most successful leaders and entrepreneurs live by an ethos. It contains their core values, mission statement, legacy, and vision of where they're going. It keeps the road clear as day.
**
Focus is just a byproduct of knowing what to do, day in and day out. Temptation and distractions will get you off track.
***
A personal ethos ensures that your busyness is directed toward meaningful, productive work:
“It is not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: What are we busy about?”
— Henry David Thoreau
CHALLENGE
When was the last time you stopped to consider if your daily actions align with your values, mission, and the legacy you want to leave behind? In the midst of the daily grind, it's easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. That’s why reflection is essential—it gives you the clarity to reconnect with your purpose.
Write a one-sentence statement that defines your purpose and long-term vision.
Identify three core values that define your actions.
Reflecting on your mission, vision, and values, do you feel that your actions over the past month have been in alignment with them? If not, what specific steps can you take to better align your actions with the person you aspire to become?
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
SYSTEMS
PARA
The PARA Method, developed by Tiago Forte, is an invaluable way to organize your personal and professional work life.
French novelist Gustave Flaubert once said, “Be regular and orderly in your life so that you may be violent and original in your work.” To accomplish this, you must organize for action, according to the active projects you're working on right now.
PARA stands for projects, areas, resources, and archives.
Projects is any endeavor with a specific goal and end date.
Areas don't have either but a standard to be maintained. Think health, finances, family, etc. They're the roles you play in work and life.
Resources are things you want to reference in the future, things you might be interested in. It's a catchall for anything that doesn't quite belong to a project or area but you're still interested in getting information about it.
Archives are things you've completed or put on hold, any project completed or canceled, areas you're no longer committed to maintaining, or resources that are no longer relevant.
Here's the cheat sheet to organize your life using PARA:
Will this thing I captured help me move a current project or goal forward?
If yes, move it to a respective project.
If not, will this help me uphold an area of responsibility?
If yes, move it to a respective area.
If not, will it support one of my interests or curiosities?
If yes, move it to Resources.
If not, place in Archives or delete it.
WIN
Diana is an attorney, solo practitioner, and of counsel to a mid-sized DC law firm. She struggled with procrastination, and productivity and had no time for things she neglected for years.
In 12 weeks, we freed up her time to make room for family and health, decreased her procrastination, and increased her ability to handle high-stress days.
Here's how we did it:
We built focus by embedding her ethos throughout her week.
We increased her energy levels through proper exercise, hydration, and recovery.
We regulated her nervous system and emotional control.
We implemented systems around goals and priorities so that more could be accomplished with less effort.
Are you a leader, entrepreneur, or attorney who wants to finally reclaim time, increase your productivity, and learn to shine under stress? Click this link to apply for our coaching program.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
92 Toxic truth about comparison and why it steals your joy
No. 92 – 29 Sep 2024
Welcome to the 92nd edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on cultivating inner control and resilience for high performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
INSIGHTS
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You’ll keep comparing yourself to others as long as you base your self-worth on other people's achievements.
Success isn’t a limited resource—there’s more than enough to go around. Trust that your time will come.
**
If you're going to compare yourself to someone, compare yourself to their level of effort, work ethic, and growth mindset, not their achievements.
***
“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”
— Steven Furtick
CHALLENGE
How much time do you spend on social media? Have you ever tracked the hours you spend on your phone?
Subconsciously, every time you scroll through other people's lives, you trigger a cycle of self-comparison.
Take one week to track your time spent on social media platforms.
At the end of the week, ask yourself how many times you compared yourself to others.
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
SYSTEMS
Win Log - list and celebrate your wins to stay motivated.
Why? Wins make you feel positive emotions, which make it more likely to continue and stay on track.
Wins are the positive things of your day and week.
Use this tactic daily, weekly, or monthly.
Choose your timeframe - decide if you want to reflect on your wins from the past week, month, etc.
Grab a pen and paper or phone.
Think back on your chosen timeframe and list all the wins you can remember. These can be outcomes you achieved, habits you maintained, praise you received, or challenges you overcame.
Take a moment to review your list and appreciate your achievements.
Infuse this tactic into your systems - meaning, do this on a regular basis- and watch as your motivation soars.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
91 Sick of failing? The brutal truth about what’s holding you back
No. 91 – 15 Sep 2024
Welcome to the 91st edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on cultivating inner control and resilience for high performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
Hi friends, happy to announce that after four years I got my brown belt in judo. Six things I've learned, in no particular order:
Physical challenges build your overall confidence
Humility makes you a better learner
You can't grow if you're not willing to be vulnerable and look foolish
Adrenaline and fear are good things
Emotions are what ultimately derails us from getting to our goals
Showing up is better than doing nothing at all
INSIGHTS
*
It's not failure that haunts you, it's the meaning you give to it.
**
When you view failure as final, you’re less likely to take risks. Every setback feels like proof of your limitations, feeding the belief that your abilities are fixed. This mindset stifles resilience and encourages a victim mentality, where each stumble becomes another excuse to give up.
***
“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually fear you will make one.”
— Elbert Hubbard
CHALLENGE
What's one experience that keeps defining your future, your thoughts, your actions?
Try to see it from a different light using the following Stoic exercise:
Describe and define with pure and simple terms the event, without the addition of any subjective value-judgment. Look at it in its essence and nudity. Divide the parts of the experience to get to the point where you have contempt for them. Be as objective as possible.
"He was sent to jail. What happened? He was sent to jail. But "He is unhappy" is added by oneself." Epictetus.
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
SYSTEMS
Goal outcomes.
Projects are great but without a specific goal outcome in mind, it's just a wish. Here's how to supercharge your goals:
Make a list of your key performance indicators or milestones for each goal.
Every couple of weeks or every month, rate your progress on each of those milestones.
After rating each milestone, reflect:
Are you consistently meeting or exceeding your KPIs?
If not, are there any obstacles or challenges that hindered your progress?
Are you investing enough time and effort to achieve your goal?
Do external factors or changes in your priorities warrant reconsidering your goal?
Based on your reflections, take action:
Continue what you're doing.
Invest extra time or effort.
Remove obstacles or ask for support.
Redefine your goal and adjust plans accordingly.
If you're on course, record it as an accomplishment and keep going.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
90 If you want people to listen, apply this
No. 90 – 8 Sep 2024
Welcome to the 90th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on cultivating inner control and resilience for high performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
INSIGHTS
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People make the mistake of spewing knowledge and facts in a desperate attempt to persuade an audience. But people don't need more facts and data, they crave stories to make them feel connected and inspired. It’s through storytelling that you can bridge the gap and invite others to meet you halfway.
**
If you can't tell a story, you can't influence. If you can't influence, you can't get buy-in for your ideas and make change. It's that simple.
***
“Stories constitute the single most powerful weapon in a leader’s arsenal.”
— Dr. Howard Gardner
CHALLENGE
When was the last time you told a story to someone? Did it fall flat or were people genuinely intrigued? Too often, we tell stories just for the sake of it, without a clear purpose.
Next time, before you share a story, ask yourself: What’s the goal? Are you trying to sell, convince, connect, impress—or a combination thereof?
SYSTEMS
One in, one out.
Swap tasks to stop your workload from getting out of control.
This tactic helps you stay focused and maintain momentum without becoming overwhelmed. It works well when you have more incoming tasks than you can handle.
Here's how it works:
Check into your workload.
What new tasks or projects need your attention? For each new addition, decide which existing task or project you can delete or delay to make space for it. Which tasks are less urgent or less impactful than the new ones? Consider the trade-offs you're making. Ask: are you sacrificing long-term success for short-term gains?
Create or update your kanban board or to-do list to reflect the changes.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
89 How your emotional habits are eating you alive
No. 89 – 18 Aug 2024
Welcome to the 89th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
INSIGHTS
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Just like you train yourself to develop good habits like waking up early or eating healthy, you’re also unknowingly training your mind to fall into emotional traps. You create habits of tunnel vision, over-generalizing, and exaggerating, which distort reality and lead to constant misinterpretations and emotional overreactions.
**
You will end up misjudging situations or misunderstanding your colleagues' intentions. This could make you more risk-averse, as your fear of failure and worry about what others think grows. You may also start overthinking and jumping to conclusions a lot, leading you to avoid social or work opportunities because you’re afraid of being judged or rejected.
***
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
— Carl Jung
CHALLENGE
When was the last time you experienced a setback where you felt anger, sadness, depression, defeat?
Look at the setback and by process of elimination, ask:
Are you seeing the setback only from just one angle (aka tunnel vision)?
Are you falling victim to confirmation bias (ignoring facts that don’t fit your beliefs)?
Are you over-generalizing, mind-reading, or jumping to conclusions?
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
SYSTEMS
Jerry Seinfeld credits much of his success to his daily visual habit system. Habits become your values and your values become your identity.
Here's how it works:
Make a list of your key daily habits that move you closer to an important achievement or help you become the person you want to be.
Consider picking a specific time to complete your habit each day and scheduling it.
Get a calendar, notebook, or habit-tracking app and mark each day you complete the habit.
Keep the chain of days unbroken. When scheduling new tasks or accepting new invitations, always consider whether this will cause you to break your chain.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
88 The art of being rightfully annoying
No. 88 – 11 Aug 2024
Welcome to the 88th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
INSIGHTS
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When you fear judgment, you shrink, people-please, and cling to comfort—trapped by false beliefs about yourself. You tell yourself it’s safer to agree or stay silent than face criticism. But this only deepens your insecurities and impacts your growth.
**
When you don’t question or clarify, you risk making poor decisions based on incomplete information, leading to avoidable mistakes.
Staying silent costs you chances to shine and can hold you back from career growth. Every time you hold back, you feed the fear of judgment, making it even harder to speak up next time.
***
“If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.”
— Nora Roberts
CHALLENGE
Socrates practiced a technique called deliberate ignorance. He pretended not to know something when he in fact did. It was a practice of taming the ego and having the courage to be vulnerable. At heart, it was a practice of desensitization to judgment.
Next time you find yourself speaking with someone (at work or outside work), pretend to be ignorant of the topic of conversation by asking more and speaking less. See how far you can get.
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
SYSTEMS
Do you have a start-up checklist whenever you start a project? It can save you an incredible amount of time by using what you already have and applying accelerated learning principles into the mix:
Capture expected obstacles - turn these into action items
Deconstruct: what LEGO blocks should you be starting with?
Select: which 20% of blocks for 80% or more of the outcome?
Sequence: in what order should you tackle the blocks?
Capture current thinking on the project. Ask:
What do I already know about this project?
What don’t I know that I need to find out?
What is my goal or intention?
Who can I talk to who might provide insights?
What can I read or listen to for relevant ideas?
BOOK REC
On the Shortness of Life by Seneca
Expectancy is the greatest obstacle to living.
Seneca emphasizes the importance of using time wisely, focusing on meaningful activities, and cultivating inner wisdom to lead a fulfilling life. He advises that by living purposefully and mindfully, one can experience a long and rich life, regardless of its actual length.
Disconnecting the mind is a prerequisite for depth and creativity. Don't wait, live now because we don't know what fortune has in store for us tomorrow.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
87 How to transform your social anxiety into opportunity
No. 87 – 4 Aug 2024
Welcome to the 87th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
Hi friends, I competed in the US Judo Open last week and took bronze. Stepping onto the mat, I felt a surge of adrenaline and a bit of fear as I was competing in the -100kg weight class, one weight class higher than usual.
Facing stronger opponents was intimidating, but judo, like other combat sports, teaches you that fear and anxiety are not your enemies—they’re key to growth.
Two things I did to mentally prepare: remind myself that feeling anxiety is normal and I used some evidence-based positive affirmations that kept me calm and in the zone.
I don't know of any time when I didn't feel invigorated and alive after completing a scary challenge.
INSIGHTS
*
Social anxiety doesn't discriminate. It affects beginners, mid-level professionals, and even highly experienced experts. It can impact your relationships, earning potential, job performance, self-perception, and willingness to take risks.
**
Whether it's giving a presentation, facing a tough conversation, or feeling the pressure to excel, it can be easy to worry about being judged, making mistakes, or not meeting expectations. With each anxious new thought, your thinking gets cluttered, your creativity stagnates, and your ability to think on your feet and improvise freezes.
***
"Success is where preparation and opportunity meet."
— Bobby Unser
CHALLENGE
Think about an upcoming high-stakes event where you may feel socially anxious like all eyes are on you.
Think about the worst-case scenario. Maybe it's losing your train of thought and drawing a blank, not being able to answer a question, or not feeling confident enough to speak up.
Visualize the worst that could happen. Map it out for how you'd deal with it.
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
SYSTEMS
Seeing your to-do list broken down into status on a board is not only visually appealing, it streamlines your workflow and helps you stay focused. Enter kanban boards.
Focus is a byproduct of increasing your sense of inner control.
And, having inner control makes clear thinking and more action possible.
Grab a whiteboard or use your digital note-taking app and divide it into the following columns: Active, Next Up, Waiting On, Paused, Future.
Fill Active with tasks that you're currently working on. Prioritize them by importance or deadline. Use the Eisenhower Matrix to help with this. Consider using different colors for different categories or priorities.
Fill Next Up with tasks that are next in line.
Move any tasks with open loops to Waiting On. These are tasks where you're waiting for someone else or something else to happen for you to activate the task again into Active or complete it outright.
Move any Active or Next Up tasks to Paused if you decide to pause them for now.
Fill Future with any tasks that you plan to complete.
That's it. Create a kanban board for each project you're working on and review and update it regularly.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
86 How to stop caring about what people think
No. 86 – 28 Jul 2024
Welcome to the 86th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
INSIGHTS
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If you're challenging yourself in your work, fear of other people's opinions (FOPO) may creep up on you. The main obstacle in overcoming this fear is not recognizing what is within your control and what is not.
**
The more you let FOPO control you, the more emotionally unstable you become, constantly adjusting your actions to seek approval, and that's no way to live. You start looking to please others and be liked rather than follow your values.
This leads to inauthenticity and a fear of exposure, causing you to avoid challenges for career growth.
***
"The result is that, if he wins applause, he returns home full of himself; but if he is booed, he shrivels as if the air has been let out of him and sinks down, deflated. Our case is much the same. What do we value? Externals. What do we look after? Externals. So of course, we are going to experience fear and nervousness. Faced with external circumstances that we judge to be bad, we cannot help but be frightened and apprehensive."
— Epictetus
CHALLENGE
Think about three recent events or situations you can't change and haven't fully accepted yet. These might include people's attitudes, actions, missing out on an opportunity, the past, and so on.
Things within your control include your thoughts, attitudes, words, and actions.
What external obstacles or internal roadblocks are preventing you from accepting them?
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went
SYSTEMS
How to declutter your mind and make sense of your insights:
Capturing ideas and organizing them visually with a branching, tree-like structure is a timeless and infinitely flexible tool for brainstorming and understanding.
Pick a problem or idea
Draw branches radiating from the problem or idea
Add sub-branches
Continue branching outward for each idea
BOOK REC
Mastery by Robert Greene
Becoming great at your craft requires two key elements:
Finding a mentor if you want to have the most efficient and productive form of learning since mentors know where to focus your attention and how to challenge you.
Navigating smoothly through the social environment. This includes knowing how to talk to others, reading others, and not letting your emotions get the best of you.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
85 How to be instantly more assertive with this hidden superpower
No. 85 – 21 Jul 2024
Welcome to the 85th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
INSIGHTS
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Countless studies show that true success and happiness come from morals and virtuous action, not goal achievement, wealth, possessions, or status.
Practically, it's having moral character—knowing right from wrong and acting on what's right.
**
Your personal constitution, i.e., moral character, acts as a superpower. It allows you to move with intent and make deliberate choices. You build self-confidence since you're consciously choosing to live based on your values, not someone else's.
And you build strong relationships because your decisions and attitudes become consistent and trustworthy.
***
“In the realm of high performance, moral character is not a nice-to-have; it’s an absolute necessity. It fuels our ability to sustain excellence, build meaningful relationships, and leave a positive legacy that endures long after we are gone.”
— Jim Loehr
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Elevation
Definition | The positive feeling experienced after seeing an act of virtue or human moral beauty.
Example | After witnessing how selfless this man acted to help his elderly neighbor, I experienced a sense of elevation.
Origin | Late Middle English: from Latin elevatio(n- ), from elevare ‘raise’.
CHALLENGE
Having a list of core values is one of the most powerful ways to stop overthinking and be more assertive. Do you know yours?
Create a list of values that resonate deeply with you. Keep it close and review it often.
How to do it: Reflect on when you are most proud of yourself—physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Think about the times when you are at your best. Identify 3-5 one-word descriptors that best capture who you are in those moments. These are your values.
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
84 You're wasting your years if you don't have this in your life
No. 84 – 14 Jul 2024
Welcome to the 84th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
The US Judo Championship is just two weeks away, but last week, I broke my toe during training.
After countless hours and weeks of preparation, my chance to compete is in jeopardy.
Reflecting on that day, I realize my mistake: I wasn’t fully present.
Simply being there isn’t enough; full engagement is crucial.
When you lose focus, you make costly mistakes, and I paid the price.
INSIGHTS
*
Having a mentor accelerates your progress and curbs your stress level. They help you come up with a clear roadmap, warn you of pitfalls, offer invaluable guidance, and give the feedback you need to grow and get to that next level.
**
Life is too short to do it alone. You must borrow wisdom from others’ experiences or risk running out of time to achieve your dreams. Time must be respected.
***
"Show me a successful individual and I’ll show you someone who had real positive influences in his or her life. I don’t care what you do for a living—if you do it well I’m sure there was someone cheering you on or showing the way. A mentor.”
— Denzel Washington
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Patronized
Definition | Feeling treated in a way that is apparently kind or helpful but that betrays a feeling of superiority.
Example | She was determined not to be put down or patronized.
Origin | Middle English patroun "a special guardian or protector," from early French patrun, patron (same meaning), from Latin patronus "patron, patron saint," from earlier patronus "defender," from patr-, pater "father".
CHALLENGE
Do you have heroes, idols, certain people you respect and admire? Who are they?
If they're still alive, how can you build a closer relationship with them and seek out their guidance? Plan it.
If they're no longer alive, what books can you read about their lives and work? What practical guidance can you extract and apply to your life?
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
BOOK REC
Japanese Death Poems by Yoel Hoffman
Japanese poets and Zen monks were known for writing poems on their deathbeds. Reading their poems is a Stoic exercise in meditating on your mortality, helping to cut through the meaningless and zone in on the important things.
The common theme: don't wait to live out your values. Do what matters to you now and stop worrying about what other people are going to think about you because it won't matter in the end.
WIN
Nathan is a supervisor and a successful entrepreneur. He faced challenges in increasing revenue for his business and struggled with his full-time job. He needed to beat his fears and anxieties and build confidence.
In 12 weeks, we transformed him from insecure and stuck to confident and impactful, becoming a highly respected supervisor and successful entrepreneur with multiple scaling opportunities.
Here's how we did it:
Built clarity and a roadmap to identify the sources of his anxiety
Established rock-solid evidence of his capabilities through increasingly difficult physical and mental exercises
Enhanced his emotion regulation and assertive communication skills
Developed self-sustaining systems to bring it all together
Full testimonial here.
We're thrilled to see how far Nathan has come and the incredible transformation he's gone through.
Are you an entrepreneur, senior legal professional, or rising leader who wants to start taking action, build proof of your capabilities, and level up in your professional journey? Click this link to apply for our coaching program.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
83 The secret to being a great anti-pessimist
No. 83 – 7 Jul 2024
Welcome to the 83rd edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
INSIGHTS TO REFLECT ON
*
How you explain bad things that happen to you can make a big difference in whether you stay optimistic or become pessimistic. If you believe your failures are permanent, affect every other area of your life, and are mainly your fault, you will feel helpless—permanence, pervasiveness, personalization.
**
When you feel like anything you do will be futile, you adopt tunnel vision, lose perspective, and create a breeding ground for depression.
***
"One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself."
— Lucille Ball
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Apathetic
Definition | Having or showing little or no interest, concern, or emotion.
Example | After failing repeatedly at the task, she felt apathetic and demotivated.
Origin | Borrowed from New Latin apathēticus, from a- A- entry 2 + pathēticus pathetic, after apathīa apathy.
CHALLENGE TO GROW
Think about a recent work failure or problem that you don't feel good about after reflecting on it.
Ask yourself the following three questions:
Is this failure something you truly believe to be permanent and will continue and last or is it temporary?
Example: 'I always flunk public speaking gigs' versus 'I didn't do so well today and need to learn how to improve for the next one'
Can you come up with specific explanations for the failure or do you tend to generalize?
Example: ‘I didn’t prepare as well as I should have for this specific public speaking event’ versus ‘I’m bad at public speaking’
Can you think of reasons for why the failure happened other than just blaming yourself?
Example: ‘I ran out of time to adequately prepare due to other pressing commitments’ versus ‘I’m just bad at public speaking’
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
BOOK JUST READ
The First Rule of Mastery: Stop Worrying About What People Think of You by Michael Gervais
Most of our fear comes from people's opinions. The first rule to beat it is to focus only on what you can control and forget about everything else that's not under your control.
What you can control: your thoughts, words, actions, and attitudes.
What's not under your control: other people's opinions, the past, the future, traffic, weather, other people's actions, other people's happiness, how other people feel.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
82 How to master focus and enjoy more time doing what you love
No. 82 – 30 Jun 2024
Welcome to the 82nd edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
The US Judo Open is one of the most prestigious judo tournaments in the United States. I'll be competing in the 90 kg Veterans division on 28 July.
The training camp has been the most mentally and physically demanding thing I've ever done in my life.
What's helped me push through is repeating my power statement, one sentence I repeat to myself multiple times that reminds me why I'm doing what I'm doing. It's a science-backed hack that helps me stay committed and accountable.
INSIGHTS TO REFLECT ON
*
Emotional control fights off your temptations and impulses. But to keep them out of sight and out of mind, it takes modifying your environment.
**
The key to focus is letting go of what can't be changed; keeping your North Star top of mind at all times; detoxing and removing yourself from tech gadgets; respecting your finite energy sources by scheduling intentional recovery sessions; tackling tasks one at a time; and removing rather than adding possessions into your life.
***
"That's been one of my mantras - focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it's worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains."
— Steve Jobs
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Immersed
Definition | Involve oneself deeply in a particular activity or interest.
Example | She immersed herself in her work.
Origin | Early 17th century: from Latin immers- ‘dipped into’, from the verb immergere, from in- ‘in’ + mergere ‘to dip’.
CHALLENGE TO GROW
Take a look at your physical workspace. Is it unorganized (loose papers, books, sticky notes lying around)? A messy workspace leads to increased anxiety and less productivity.
Carve out some time before you start your workweek and spend 10-15 minutes decluttering your workspace.
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
BOOK JUST READ
HBR’s 10 Must Reads - On Managing Yourself
Six questions to help you achieve self-mastery:
What are your strengths?
Are you a reader or listener, or both?
How do you learn? Writing, listening, talking, doing?
What are your values?
Where do you belong? Alone or with people collaborating, in a subordinate or leadership role?
What should you contribute?
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
81 How to make fear work for you, not against you
No. 81 – 23 Jun 2024
Welcome to the 81st edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
I got promoted to major in the US Army Reserve this past week. Some leadership lessons I've learned from being a captain:
Don't focus solely on yourself; others are depending on you.
The higher the rank, the more selflessness is required.
Extreme ownership is key to making a difference.
Actively seek feedback rather than passively waiting around for it.
Having a second passion is a must if you want to be your best self for others.
A real leader listens to understand, not to speak.
Hang around people better than you if you want to grow; be inspired, not jealous.
INSIGHTS TO REFLECT ON
*
Fear creates self-doubt. Self-doubt creates hesitation. Hesitation creates overthinking. Overthinking creates indecision. Indecision keeps you risk-averse and in your comfort zone. Your comfort zone is where imposter syndrome blossoms.
**
Fear is like a temptation that has to be tamed or else it will engulf your mind and take it into a downward spiral of negative thoughts and paralyze you. More often than not those thoughts are based on faulty assumptions or false beliefs, or both. If you put them against actual evidence, they gradually start to lose their grip on you.
***
"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt."
— William Shakespeare
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Insecure
Definition | Not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious.
Example | I feel shy and insecure around strangers.
Origin | Mid 17th century: from medieval Latin insecurus ‘unsafe’, from in- ‘not’ + Latin securus ‘free from care’, or from in ‘not’ + secure.
CHALLENGE TO GROW
When fear starts setting in, you have two immediate choices: become paralyzed or create distance from the fear so you can act despite it.
Breathing is a fundamental emotion regulation protocol that keeps you in the present, shifts you out of your fight-or-flight response, activates your prefrontal cortex, and starts the problem-solving process.
Next time you're feeling fear about an upcoming event, make it a cue to breathe first, then act.
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
BOOK JUST READ
The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
Being disliked means you're doing something right. You're living in line with what's important to you, not a lesser version of someone else.
Contribution breeds a sense of usefulness. A sense of usefulness breeds self-worth. Self-worth breeds self-confidence.
Expectancy is the greatest obstacle to living. You don't know what the future holds, all you know is now.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
80 The #1 false belief affecting every part of your life
No. 80 – 16 Jun 2024
Welcome to the 80th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there.
INSIGHTS TO REFLECT ON
*
Fear of failure keeps you in your comfort zone. Your comfort zone makes you risk-averse. Risk aversion limits your possibilities. Limited possibilities leave you with limited beliefs about yourself.
**
You must constantly remind yourself that failure is information and feedback to reflect on, not confirmation that you're not good enough.
***
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So sail away from the safe harbour. Explore, dream, discover."
— Mark Twain
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Shame
Definition | A painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.
Example | He felt shame for letting his team down during the work project.
Origin | Old English sc(e)amu (noun), sc(e)amian ‘feel shame’, of Germanic origin; related to Dutch schamen(verb) and German Scham (noun), schämen (verb).
CHALLENGE TO GROW
When was the last time you perceived something as a failure? What was it? Were there people around? How did it feel?
Now, consider the following:
"Failure is information and data to analyze so I can improve when I try again, it's not confirmation of my potential because I understand that getting good at anything requires effort and feedback."
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
BOOK JUST READ
We've read plenty of books on accelerated learning, but this one breaks it down into four simple principles. The book uses cooking to illustrate them, but they can be applied to just about any skill.
The acronym is DiSSS:
Deconstruct: Find the LEGO blocks of the thing you're learning, what are the minimal learnable units you should be starting with?
Select: Which 20% of the blocks should you focus on for 80% or more of the outcomes you want (Pareto principle)?
Sequence: In what order should you learn the blocks?
Stakes: How do you set up stakes to create real consequences and guarantee you follow through with the learning program?
Apply this to anything new you have to learn and would like to get good at fast.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
79 You don't need this skill unless you're ambitious
No. 79 – 9 Jun 2024
Welcome to the 79th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
INSIGHTS TO REFLECT ON
*
If you want more focus and higher work output, relying solely on productivity tools and time management systems won't cut it. You need an internal toolkit to fight off emotions so they don't get the best of you.
**
Making logical excuses for why you shouldn't do something and then going back into your comfort zone is the pathway to misery. Eventually, this behavior makes you more anxious, clouds your judgment, messes with your relationships, and cements your risk aversion.
***
"Emotions can be the enemy if you give in to them, or they can be a powerful ally if you learn to control them."
— Tony Robbins
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Resentment
Definition | A feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.
Example | She bore bitter feelings of resentment toward her ex-boss.
Origin | From the French word "ressentiment," which is derived from the verb ressentir, meaning "to feel strongly" or "to feel again."
CHALLENGE TO GROW
Think of a task or goal you had but neglected because it involved putting yourself out there in front of other people.
Now, with task or goal in mind, ask yourself the following questions:
What mood does it put you in? Pleasant or unpleasant?
What emotion does it make you feel?
What might be causing you to feel this way?
This exercise alone should trigger some thoughts and put them into perspective.
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
78 What people get wrong about imposter syndrome and how to beat it
No. 78 – 2 Jun 2024
Welcome to the 78th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
Last week, we had a great turnout at our training hosted by the DC Bar Association where 50+ attorneys participated. We discussed everything from false beliefs around stress and specific ways to master their thoughts and emotions during high stress situations.
INSIGHTS TO REFLECT ON
*
Fear-based stress and anxiety don't care about degrees, experience, or fancy job titles. They only care about keeping you in your comfort zone.
**
The longer you stay in your comfort zone, the more likely you'll suffer from imposter syndrome. The thought that you're not good enough and the accompanying fear that you'll be found out can only be overcome with evidence proving you're capable.
***
“The problem human beings face is not that we aim too high and fail, but that we aim too low and succeed.”
— Michelangelo
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Antsy
Definition | Feeling or showing uncomfortable feelings of uncertainty.
Example | She felt antsy about this important job interview.
Origin | 1950s: probably from the phrase have ants in one's pants.
CHALLENGE TO GROW
When was the last time you felt imposter syndrome at work? What were you doing when you experienced it? Maybe it was a presentation, leadership meeting, new work assignment, or starting a new job?
Acknowledge your achievements and reflect on them regularly by keeping a proof list that describes your accomplishments and the actions you took.
Some questions to get you in the flow:
“What have I done this week that makes me feel capable?”
“If a younger me could see my life now, what would she be proud of?”
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
BOOK JUST READ
Will Storr takes a deep dive into the science and psychology of creative storytelling as a fundamental way to influence and persuade individuals and groups.
He breaks down 4 ways to induce curiosity at the beginning of any story to keep your audience hooked:
Start with a question or paradox
Give a sequence of events but leave a gap somewhere in between
Give expectations and then violate them
Present knowledge of possession of information by someone else
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
77 Ditch pessimism and unlock new opportunities
No. 77 – 26 May 2024
Welcome to the 77th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
Exciting news! We've partnered up with the DC Bar to offer a virtual session on building resilience and inner control for busy professionals and lawyers. Join us on Tuesday at 12PM EST. Click here to reserve your spot. Registration is free, but space is limited!
INSIGHTS TO REFLECT ON
*
There's a difference between being realistic and pessimistic—the former gives you a sober view of things. The latter makes you prematurely dismiss opportunities or waste precious time from overthinking and over-preparing.
**
You don't have to be an optimist to feel like things are going well, you just have to know how to counter those inevitable negative thoughts when they come your way. It's an emotional behavior change.
***
"The pessimist complains about the win; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
— William Arthur Ward
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Pessimistic
Definition | Tending to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.
Example | She was pessimistic about the prospects.
Origin | From Latin pessim(us) "worst" (suppletive superlative of malus "bad") + -ism
CHALLENGE TO GROW
When was the last time you didn't do something because of your pessimistic thinking?
Isolate the event that made you have those pessimistic beliefs. Put those beliefs on the stand and cross-examine them with evidence. What's the evidence for and against the beliefs you had? Looking back, would you have acted differently?
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
WIN TO SHARE
K started an eBay reselling business shortly after he lost his job last year. While he had a successful start, his business slowed down significantly due to his fears and anxieties about networking and building relationships with other wholesalers and businesses.
His pessimism affected his confidence, which led to making less money.
We turned that around in 8 weeks and he won a partnership that will level up his eBay business by 25%. We built up his confidence, worked on specific mental challenges, and gave him the Inner Fortress protocols. He worked on cold calling, networking, and pitching to prospects.
Here's how we did it:
We worked on his value system, purpose, vision, and legacy. He built clarity.
We stress-tested his confidence with mental games and challenges. Confidence-building is a game and he just needed to learn how to play it.
Repetition is key. We helped him create proof of his capabilities by having the right kind of emotional experiences that created evidence-based affirmations.
We're proud of where K is at this point. Now, just a few more tweaks with systems and communication.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
76 How to stop regretting poor decisions
No. 76 – 19 May 2024
Welcome to the 76th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
INSIGHTS TO REFLECT ON
*
Clear thinking and good decision-making is a byproduct of slowing down and evaluating your thought process; only then can you start problem-solving and putting your counter-productive, pre-programmed thoughts into perspective.
**
One of the most powerful journaling practices that unlocks your subconscious and takes you right into the moment is simply putting pen to paper and jotting down what comes to mind.
***
"Clear thinking is the key to untangling the knots of complexity."
— Susan Cain
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Determined
Definition | Having made a firm decision and being resolved not to change it.
Example | He was a determined leader and made thoughtful decisions.
Origin | Late Middle English: from Old French determiner, from Latin determinare ‘limit, fix’, from de- ‘completely’ + terminare ‘terminate’.
CHALLENGE TO GROW
What's one decision this past week you regret making or could've made differently if you had more time to evaluate?
Get pen and paper. With the past decision in mind, start writing. Don't think, just write. Give yourself at least 5-10 minutes. You may be surprised at what starts to unravel.
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
75 How to revel in the journey and forget outcomes
No. 75 – 12 May 2024
Welcome to the 75th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
Last week, we gave two trainings for law students, graduate and PhD students, and post-docs at Stetson University College of Law and the University of South Florida. It was a great turnout and lots of good questions.
And not surprisingly, their questions had a common theme—fear of judgment:
How do you stop caring what people think of you without coming off as a jerk?
How do you get over the fear of humiliating yourself in front of your peers and coworkers?
How do you stop overthinking and overpreparing?
INSIGHTS TO REFLECT ON
*
Anxiety keeps pace with hope, through looking into the future—projecting your thoughts far ahead instead of living in the present moment.
**
Challenge is the antidote to living for the future. Because it makes you feel alive, invigorated, and excited after doing it enough times, challenge shifts your focus to being in the present moment. To the process and the journey. That's living.
***
“Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
— Howard Thurman
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Contented
Definition | Feeling or showing satisfaction with one's possessions, status, or situation.
Example | She felt peaceful and contented.
Origin | Late Middle English: via Old French from Latin contentus ‘satisfied’, past participle of continere.
CHALLENGE TO GROW
When was the last time you felt truly energized, invigorated, or fully alive? If you can't remember, what activities would evoke those emotions for you?
Pick one and go do it.
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
WIN TO SHARE
One of our clients is an entrepreneur and safety manager. He wanted to level up his career and become a leader but his low confidence was holding him back.
In just six weeks, we redirected his purpose, boosted his physical energy, and helped him break out of his shell using action and building proof of his capabilities.
He went through an intense series of three interviews and got the job he wanted.
Here's how we did it:
We helped him build some fundamental, rock-solid discipline.
We built his north star. Purpose, direction, clarity.
We built his emotional strength. He learned to use key protocols at the right time during live challenges.
Finally, we made sure it was simple and easy for his busy schedule and we kept him accountable during the entire process.
This client is an example of what showing up and putting in the work means. He already had it in him. We just helped him unlock it.
Now it's time to put the icing on the cake— his communication and charisma.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
74 How to turn fear into your best friend
No. 74 – 5 May 2024
Welcome to the 74th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
Insights to Reflect On
*
Fear of people's opinions is a fear of being rejected, humiliated, shamed, ridiculed, judged. It causes you to fear failure and makes you risk-averse.
**
One of the most powerful ways to overcome the fear of caring what other people think of you is to systematically expose yourself to the things triggering it.
***
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
— Eleanor Roosevelt
Emotion to Meet
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Invigorated
Definition | Past tense from the verb invigorate: to give life and energy to.
Example | After my presentation, I felt invigorated and filled with a new sense of excitement.
Origin | Mid 17th century: from medieval Latin invigorat- ‘made strong’, from the verb invigorare, from in-‘towards’ + Latin vigorare ‘make strong’ (from vigor ‘vigor’).
Challenge to Grow
What's one fear that's been holding you back in your role? Fear of public speaking? Difficult conversations? Confrontations? What would it look like if you conquered that fear?
Take a small, intentional step toward exposure. It could be scheduling the event or intentionally creating conflict in a lower-stakes environment.
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef