73 Resilience is a must-have skill no one teaches you

No. 73 – 28 Apr 2024

Welcome to the 73rd edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

This week's newsletter is getting a bit of a facelift. Reply to this email and share your thoughts.

Insights to Reflect On

*

Not having resilience affects your attention and learning, decision-making, and creativity.

When you're anxious, your focus narrows and learning is impaired. When you don't know how to manage emotions and failure, it causes you to overthink and stagnate. And, when you can't think outside the box, you can't make those seemingly unrelated connections.

**

Having low expectations prepares you for inevitable failure so that you can bounce back and try again.

***

“Greatness comes from character and character isn’t formed out of smart people—it’s formed out of people who suffered."

— Jensen Huang, CEO of NVIDIA

Emotion to Meet

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

Here's 1 to explore:

Disheartened

Definition | Having lost confidence, hope, and energy.

Example | After failing multiple times, it's hard not to grow disheartened.

Origin | "Discourage, deject, depress the spirits of," 1590s (in "Henry V"), from dis- "the opposite of" + hearten.

Challenge to Grow

When was the last time you experienced a big setback? What emotions did you feel?

Think about 3 ways you can reframe that setback into opportunities.

⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.

Win to Share

K was fearful of conflict and difficult conversations. Underpaid in her job, she finally had a breakthrough when she brought up the courage to ask for a promotion and got it.

Here's how we did it:

• We gave her increasingly stressful challenges that mimicked conflict, rejection, and rudeness.

• We gave her battle-tested emotion regulation protocols to use before, during, and after each challenge.

• We taught her practical assertive communication techniques.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

72 Feedback, crowd pleaser, denial

No. 72 – 21 Apr 2024

Welcome to the 72nd edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Article

Taking in feedback is a valuable accelerated learning skill.

You need to learn from mistakes and do it fast so you don’t repeat them.

If you want to be your best self, feedback is critical.

But the ego gets in the way. I’m a victim of this. This is how I tame my ego to let feedback in.

Know your tendencies

How do you usually respond when you get criticized over something in your job or personal life? How do you react? Are you defensive, inquisitive, ignoring, argumentative?

Build awareness first. Then change your response to one of open-mindedness and listening.

— Read more​

Quote

This quote summarizes the importance of checking in with your thoughts regularly. Your thoughts guide your emotions and actions. Your thoughts are the story you tell yourself about yourself, your internal narrative.

Watch your thoughts, for they become your words.

Watch your words, for they become your actions.

Watch your actions, for they become your habits.

Watch your habits, for they become your character.

Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

— Lao Tzu

Insight

In my 20s, one of my most significant mistakes was falling into the crowd's expectations: completing law school, pursuing a 9-5 job, pushing myself with long hours, and accepting every task that came my way. This path eventually led to burnout by the age of 31, leaving me feeling out of sync with both my career and lifestyle choices.

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Denial

Definition | The action of declaring something to be untrue.

Example | She shook her head in denial after learning that she didn't get the promotion she hoped for.

Origin | From Middle English denyen, from Old French denoier (“to deny, to repudiate”) (French dénier), from Latin denegare (“to deny, to refuse”), from de- (“away”) and negare (“to refuse”).

Defensive

Definition | Very anxious to challenge or avoid criticism.

Example | He was very defensive about that side of his life.

Origin | Late Middle English: from Old French défensif, -ive, from medieval Latin defensivus, from Latin defens-‘warded off’, from the verb defendere.

Question

I used to procrastinate every day until I discovered the power of building systems around my goals, projects, and actions.

When faced with daunting projects, we often take two paths: feeling overwhelmed and postponing tasks, or feeling overwhelmed but implementing systematic planning and prioritization.

One of the most impactful strategies I've adopted is learning to prioritize tasks right from the start. This can involve a simple list that you review regularly, keeping your priorities front and center. You can even organize it by quarter and/or month.

What are some ways you use to prevent procrastination from spiraling into anxiety? Do they save you time in the long run?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

71 Boundaries, exposure therapy, and procrastination

No. 71 – 14 Apr 2024

Welcome to the 71st edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Article

The effects of fearing other people's opinions (FOPO):

"FOPO is a type of fear that we learn from past experiences.

It causes you to obsess over your thoughts and feelings of other people. It ruminates in your mind and takes up mental real estate.

It causes us to play it safe because we fear what may happen if we make a mistake or get criticized.

It causes us to surrender our viewpoint and be agreeable.

We don’t raise our hand and speak up.

We bite our tongue.

We look to please instead of living out our authentic selves.

We externalize our self-esteem and self-worth. If people approve of us, we’re good. If they don’t, it’s a bad day.

We live out other people’s dreams instead of following our true path.

We limit our beliefs, saying things like, “I’m not good enough” or “I could never do that.”

You have a general fear of being disliked.

You’re exhausted from worrying about other people’s judgment of you."

How to free yourself from it?

— Read more​

Quote

Gratitude is the gateway to positive emotions. Positive emotions give hope. Hope is a key ingredient in staying optimistic and resilient.

"Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings."

— William Arthur Ward

Insight

Putting yourself in the environment in which you want to improve a skill is a key accelerated learning technique.

Psychologists call it exposure therapy. This happens to be an optimal way to manage the causes of your anxiety. Over time, with the right frameworks and emotion regulation strategies, we learn to be comfortable in the uncomfortable.

Here's the kicker: it has to be scheduled so that you build momentum.

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Pessimistic

Definition | Tending to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.

Example | He was pessimistic about the chances that he would succeed.

Origin | Late 18th century: from Latin pessimus ‘worst’, on the pattern of optimism.

Idealistic

Definition | Believing that very good things can be achieved, often when this does not seem likely to other people.

Example | He supports a number of idealistic causes.

Origin | From the Ancient Greek idea (ἰδέα) from idein (ἰδεῖν), meaning "to see".

Question

When we're procrastinating, we do things that replace what we're supposed to do. It's a mild form of addiction replacement, which gives us a sense of accomplishment. Then, anxiety comes along and triggers us to complete the thing we put off and should've been doing in the first place.

One key way to overcome procrastination is to remind the mind that it can do hard things. Things like a cold shower or cold immersion. Anything that requires friction and effort.

Having a list of activities that help us get out of procrastination helps us be proactive about it so when it strikes you're prepared.

What are three things you can add to your anti-procrastination list?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

70 Navy SEAL tactics, losing friends, trust

No. 70 – 7 Apr 2024

Welcome to the 70th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

We've decided to change things up a little bit. We'll be sending out our newsletter on Sundays from now on.

Article

When faced with a tough project or leading an important meeting, your thoughts will determine your outcome. They will lead you to unmanaged anxiety or give you the mental fuel to succeed. After lots of research and trial and error, I found one tried and battle-tested approach to effective thought control.

— Read more​

Quote

"Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it’ll always get you the right ones."

— John Lennon

Insight

I'm obsessed with good decision-making.

Good writing → good thinking → good decision-making

I learned good writing after $125,000 of law school. Here are 3 simple rules you can steal to get you from good writing to good decision-making:

Writing clearly → clear thinking → emotional regulation

Emotional regulation → good decisions → good actions

1. KISS

Keep it simple silly.

Simple is clear and to the point.

• Strip your writing to its cleanest parts.

• Take out every word that has no function and make every long word shorter.

• Fix every passive sentence into the active voice.

• Constantly ask what you're trying to convey to the reader.

• Then look at what you just wrote and ask whether you answered the question.

• Is it clear to someone encountering the subject for the first time?

• Read your drafts out loud.

2. Take out the clutter

Zone in on the words you use.

• At the present time, presently → now

• Utilize → use

• Experiencing pain → it hurts

More examples:

• Assistance → help

• Numerous → many

• Initial → first

• Implement → do

Don't try to sound smart.

Use plain English. Watch out for word clusters:

• "I might add" → Don't add, just say it.

• "It should be pointed out" → Don't point it out, say it.

• "It is interesting to note" → If it's interesting, just say it.

How to apply rule:

• Use brackets between words or sentences you think may not be doing any useful work.

• Then read the sentence and words without the brackets to see if it still makes sense.

3. Don't focus on style

Writing is a craft with principles, like carpentry. You first need to learn how to saw wood and drive nails in correctly. Focus on the principles first.

With style, trying to add it is like adding a toupee. At first, the bald man looks nice with it on, but after a while, you notice he just doesn't look right. He doesn't look authentic. The same is true with trying to write with style. People want authenticity.

How to apply rule:

• Be yourself and don't try to adopt any style.

• How to be yourself: write in the first person.

• If you can't use "I" in your writing, write the first draft with "I" and then take it out later.

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Pessimistic

Definition | Tending to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.

Example | He was pessimistic about the prospects.

Origin | From the Latin word pessimus, meaning 'the worst'.

Apathetic

Definition | Showing or feeling no interest, enthusiasm, or concern.

Example | People have been surprisingly apathetic to these important social problems.

Origin | Mid-18th century: from apathy, on the pattern of pathetic.

Question

Whenever you're working on a new goal, two things are important to keep top of mind: managing expectations and trusting the process.

There is going to be some trial and error in the beginning. There are going to be setbacks. The mind is adjusting to new levels of discomfort. Manage expectations.

Progress is often invisible until it becomes visible. Give it time. Trust the process.

Often, it's these two factors that derail us and make us quit after setbacks.

What are some things you can do to keep these two factors top of mind?

Here are some questions to help:

1. Am I setting realistic initial goals?

2. How long have I been on this journey so far?

3. Have I truly dedicated enough effort to this?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

69 Harvard's best, sacrifice, and emotional derailing

No. 69 – 29 Mar 2024

Welcome to the 69th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating fear and anxiety for optimal performance.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Article

Harvard Business Review (HBR) has published countless articles from leading psychologists, professors, practitioners, and scientists on resilience-building, eliminating self-doubt, and beating imposter syndrome. We've summarized them for you and they're quite telling.

— Read more​

Quote

Kobe Bryant, on mastery and balance:

"If you really want to be great at something, you have to truly care about it. If you want to be great in a particular area, you have to obsess over it. A lot of people say they want to be great, but they're not willing to make the sacrifices necessary to achieve greatness. They have other concerns, and they spread themselves out.... Greatness isn't easy to achieve. It requires a lot of time, a lot of sacrifices. It requires a lot of tough choices. It requires your loved ones to sacrifice, too. So you have to have an understanding circle of family and friends. People don't always understand just how much effort from how many people goes into one person chasing a dream to be great. There's a fine balance between obsessing about your craft and being there for your family. It's akin to walking a tightrope. Your legs are shaky, and you're trying to find your center. Whenever you lean too far in one direction, you correct your course and end up over leaning in the other direction. So you correct by leaning the other way again. That's the dance. You can't achieve greatness by walking a straight line."

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Earnest

Definition | Characterized by or proceeding from an intense and serious state of mind.

Example | She was so earnest it was hard not to believe her.

Origin | Middle English ernest, from Old English eornost; akin to Old High German ernust earnest.

Reserved

Definition | Restrained in words and actions.

Example | He was by nature a reserved man but not a cold one.

Origin | Middle English: from Old French reserver, from Latin reservare ‘keep back’, from re- ‘back’ + servare ‘to keep’.

Question

To improve at anything, discipline is crucial.

But to truly master it, you also need emotion skills.

Often, it's our frustration, impatience, boredom, fear, stress, and anxiety that derail us and make us complain and quit.

The journey is full of ups and downs.

The real power comes in knowing how to navigate our emotions so they don't stop us from reaching our goals.

It starts with allowing yourself to feel your emotions.

What can you start doing today to stop running away from your feelings and let them in?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

68 Shaolin monks, terror, and presenting

No. 68 – 20 Mar 2024

Welcome to the 68th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating fear and anxiety for optimal performance.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Article

Shaolin monks are some of the most mentally tough humans in the world. They finger-punch trees, shatter stones with their bare hands, and bend metal pipes with their heads. Their mental strength is deeply rooted in one specific physical discipline.

— Read more​

Quote

Jon Kabat-Zinn, on managing expectations:

"You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Discouraged

Definition | Having lost confidence or enthusiasm; disheartened.

Example | Sarah refused to be discouraged from pursuing her dreams of becoming a successful entrepreneur.

Origin | From Old French descouragier, from des- (expressing reversal) + corage‘courage’.

Disengaged

Definition | Emotionally detached.

Example | During the meeting, it was evident that several team members were disengaged.

Origin | From Middle French, from des- dis- + engager to engage.

Question

Chances are you've read Atomic Habits by James Clear. Great book with a clear roadmap for habit development. However, science shows that breaking down all your habits into easy, frictionless actions may not be the best way to motivate you.

​Effort is the way. It produces dopamine. Dopamine makes you come back for more. When you're practicing anything, especially things you don't want to do because they scare you, effort is critical. Like public speaking or delivering a pitch to executives or investors.

The more you push yourself, the more dopamine you produce. The less effort you put in, the less motivated you become.

How can you infuse more effort into your life to keep you motivated?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

67 Losers, fools, and emotional hijacking

No. 67 – 15 Mar 2024

Welcome to the 67th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating fear and anxiety for optimal performance.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Article

There are two proven ways to quench your self-doubt and stop selling yourself short. It has to do with contribution and effort.

— Read more​

Quote

Epictetus, on managing your expectations:

"If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid."

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Hopeless

Definition | Feeling or causing despair about something.

Example | When he was notified of his terminal illness, he felt hopeless.

Origin | Late Old English hopa (noun), hopian (verb), of Germanic origin; related to Dutch hoop (noun), hopen (verb), and German hoffen (verb).

Helpless

Definition | Unable to defend oneself or to act without help.

Example | She felt helpless when she got a flat tire on the side of the road.

Origin | Old English helpan (verb), help (noun), of Germanic origin; related to Dutch helpen and German helfen.

Question

Self-control isn't just a buzzword. It's about managing emotions to reach your goals. Without it, you can’t make good decisions because your fear, stress, and anxiety are hijacking your ability to think clearly. Concentration also falters as emotions take over. Start by recognizing your emotions today. This is the first step to controlling them.

What easy thing can you do today to keep track of your feelings throughout the day?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

66 Mastery, impact, and the scientific method

No. 66 – 8 Mar 2024

Welcome to the 66th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating fear and anxiety for optimal performance.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Article

The 5 surprising areas where mastering your emotions matters most.

— Read more​

Quote

Ruth Bader Ginsburg, on making an impact:

Whatever you choose to do, leave tracks. That means don’t do it just for yourself. You will want to leave the world a little better for your having lived.”

Insight

How do Elon Musk, Obama, and Jacinda Ardern manage to command presence in high-pressure situations? It's not confidence. It's a byproduct of something deeper. If you can do this, you're in the top 1%.

It's adaptation to change and uncertainty. To stress. They have practiced the science and art of intentionally putting themselves under increasing levels of pressure. It's counter-intuitive but highly effective.

Here's how they do it:

1. Raise the stakes

Put yourself in increasingly challenging situations.

2. Do it often

You must do this multiple times per week. Schedule it.

3. Do it in multiple areas of your life

Not just work. Make a list of fears: physical, relationships, etc.

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Frustration

Definition | The feeling of being upset or annoyed, especially because of an inability to change or achieve something.

Origin | Mid 16th century: from Latin frustratio(n-), from frustrare ‘disappoint’.

Resignation

Definition | The acceptance of something undesirable but inevitable.

Origin | Late Middle English: via Old French from medieval Latin resignatio(n-), from resignare ‘unseal, cancel’.

Question

Trying things out is part of the journey of getting better at your craft. And often the key is to move with velocity.

This means failing fast, analyzing results, getting feedback, then making adjustments and reiterating.

This is the scientific method, which scientists have embraced as the art of failing often.

How can you apply this method to improve a skill you're currently working on?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

65 Imposter syndrome, judgment, worst case

No. 65 – 1 Mar 2024

Welcome to the 65th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating fear and anxiety.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Article

If you sometimes feel that you don't deserve your success or worry that people will find out you're not as smart as they think you are, you suffer from imposter syndrome. Everyone experiences it but it doesn't mean you should be okay with it especially if you want more time and mental freedom.

— Read more​

Quote

Ichiro Kishimi, on focusing on your path:

“All you can do with regard to your own life is choose the best path that you believe in. On the other hand, what kind of judgment do other people pass on that choice? That is the task of other people, and is not a matter you can do anything about.”

— Source: The Courage To Be Disliked​

Insight

What do Anna Kendrick, LL Cool J, and Tom Brady have in common? They used Stoicism to overcome hardship and stress and ultimately save themselves from wasting precious time. Here are 3 simple Stoic exercises you can use to do the same:

1. Exercise on physical definitions

Marcus Aurelius used this often while away fighting wars for long periods of time. “Look at the object itself as it is in its essence, in its nudity, and tell yourself the name which is peculiar to it.”

Explanation

It’s an exercise on defining objects that present themselves, on things or events that have the potential to incite our passions.

Application

Define what’s in front of with specificity, strip it down, describe it, then assess the situation once more. You’re forced to take a pause and ask, “What’s actually going on here?” “Am I perceiving this incorrectly?”

2. Exercise on preparing for evils and death

Philo of Alexandria says that those who practice premeditation of obstacles, “Do not flinch beneath the blows of Fate, because they have calculated its attacks in advance.”

Explanation

There will be obstacles in pursuit of your goals and dreams. You can either prepare in advance for those obstacles or wait for them to hit you in the face.

Application

Don’t wait for bad things to happen. Anticipate them and think of worst-case scenarios and how you could respond to them.

3. Exercise on body and soul

The Stoic Musonius Rufus affirmed that people who undertake to philosophize need to stress the body and mind together. “If we accustom ourselves to the cold, to heat, to hunger, to frugal nourishment,...and to tolerance of unpleasant things.”

Explanation

This is an exercise in scarcity. The more comfortable you are, the more difficult it becomes to take risks and challenge yourself. Scarcity helps harden the spirit by putting the body and mind under duress. Over time, it adapts to its new conditions.

Application

Practice modesty in food and clothes. If that becomes too easy, start fasting. If that becomes your norm, reenact your poverty and strip away everything but the bare essentials for a day. Don’t get too comfortable.

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Optimism

Definition | Hopefulness and confidence about the future or the successful outcome of something.

Origin | Mid 18th century: from French optimisme, from Latin optimum ‘best thing’.

Hope

Definition | A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

Origin | Late Old English hopa (noun), hopian (verb), of Germanic origin; related to Dutch hoop (noun), hopen (verb), and German hoffen (verb).

Question

The more you try to control the future, the more out of control your life will be.

The path to peace of mind lies in being indifferent to things outside our control. This includes other people's attitudes and behavior.

And focusing on what we can control. Like adapting to uncertainty and change and keeping an open mind.

What are some ways you keep yourself flexible? Do you prepare mentally for eventualities or do you prefer to take things in as they come?

How can you best prepare for worst-case scenarios so that you're not frozen with fear and terror when they happen?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

64 Toxic crowds, overwhelm, melancholy

No. 64 – 23 Feb 2024

Welcome to the 64th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating overwhelm and anxiety for optimal performance.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Article

Why crowds of people are poisonous for you when your discipline and self-restraint haven't yet been trained.

— Read more​

Quote

Michel de Montaigne, on living fully:

"The value of life lies not in the length of days, but in the use we make of them… Whether you find satisfaction in life depends not on your tale of years, but on your will."

Insight

I did what every other lawyer does:

• Logging 60- to 80-hour workweeks

• Being available 24/7

• Working to exhaustion I got the job titles, sexy accolades, etc.

But it came with a heavy price of constant overwhelm that I still regret to this day...

Overworking didn't actually result in more output, instead it caused:

• Brain fog = couldn't retain important things

• Mistakes = risked my job and client wellbeing

• Irritability = bad relationships with family

• Poor sleep = no quality rest

I was headed straight to either losing my job or having a stroke. 1 thing I did that was a COMPLETE GAME-CHANGER:

Follow this mantra: work smarter, not harder

Understand that excessive hours = productivity declines

More work = more anxiety = less focus = more time wasted = doing more stupid meaningless work

Less work + more systems = more free time = more calm and confidence

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Euphoria

Definition | A feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness.

Origin | Late 17th century (denoting well-being produced in a sick person by the use of drugs): modern Latin, from Greek, from euphoros ‘borne well, healthy’, from eu ‘well’ + pherein ‘to bear’.

Melancholy

Definition | A feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause.

Origin | From Old French melancolie, via late Latin from Greek melankholia, from melas, melan-‘black’ + kholē ‘bile’, an excess of which was formerly believed to cause depression.

Question

When things don't go as planned, it's natural to be angry, demoralized, sad. But we can't linger in defeat for too long or we may never get back up.

What's your strategy when the tide turns against you? How swiftly can you rise, brush off the setbacks, and forge ahead? What can you do to start getting back up?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

63 Intentional discomfort, humiliation, gamification

No. 63 – 16 Feb 2024

Welcome to the 63rd edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating fear and anxiety for optimal performance.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Article

The antidote to stress from trying to balance work responsibilities with personal life commitments and self-care is not meditation or yoga. It's more stress and leaning into discomfort.

— Read more​

Quote

Mel Gibson, on humiliation:

"You ask anybody what their number one fear is, and it's public humiliation. I don't give a f**k anymore. I'm not afraid of it because I've had plenty, and now it's just time for me to say I'm tough because what does not kill you makes you stronger."

Insight

I used to sell myself short because I had a story I kept telling myself. A story with a demon that told me, "You're not good enough." It stopped me from taking risks and applying for jobs. I fixed this by redefining my relationship with adversity. This is how I did it:

1. Constant misfortune has a way of hardening the spirit

“The man who has struggled constantly against his own ills becomes hardened... and no misfortune makes him yield....” Seneca

The more adversity you encounter in life, the more desensitized you become to it.

2. Adversity leads to self-respect

Doing hard things has a way of changing your self-perception. It builds your willpower (anterior mid-cingulate cortex, aMCC). You confirm to yourself that you can do hard things and get through adversity.

3. Not enough adversity leads to unhappiness

Not challenging yourself only leads to bitterness and jealousy. “Nothing…seems to me more unhappy than the man who has no experience of adversity. For he has not been allowed to put himself to the test.” Seneca

4. Adversity is like a muscle

The more you expose yourself to your anxieties, the more momentum you build in taking risks, the bolder you become. And, it’s not what you endure, but how you endure it. It’s having the right mindset.

The right mindset requires adopting the right meaning of adversity in your life.

"[I]t is expedient even for good men, in order that they may be fearless, to spend much time in fearful pursuits, and to endure with a patient mind things that are bad only to the one who bears them badly.” Seneca

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Numb

Definition | Deprived of the power of sensation.

Origin | Late Middle English nome(n), past participle of obsolete nim ‘take.

Alive

Definition | Full of emotion, excitement, activity, etc.

Origin | Old English on līfe, literally ‘in life’.

Question

Building any new habit is uncomfortable in the beginning. The initial attempts are bumpy and involve some trial and error. But sticking to it builds momentum and eventual pride. With more pride comes more motivation.

The goal should be to tally up as many small wins in your favor as possible and as little misses as possible. Habits are like a game.

If your 2024 has been filled with bumps on the road, what can you start doing differently to get that much needed momentum?

Some suggestions:

• Modify physical space

• Declutter calendar

• Get priorities straight

• Eliminate distractions

• Delegate or automate tasks

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

62 Badassness, lazy habits, and morals

No. 62 – 9 Feb 2024

Welcome to the 62nd edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating fear and anxiety for optimal performance.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Article

Performance anxiety prevents you from being at your best when it's needed. There is one tried and tested principle to conquer it.

— Read more​

Quote

Albert Einstein, on laziness:

“Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking.”

Insight

Performance anxiety clutters your mind and kills your ability to be at your best when it counts. Use this battle-tested protocol I learned in the US Army:

When I joined the Army JAG Corps (Army legal branch), I was in a class full of highly talented and driven individuals. Army Special Forces soldiers, federal prosecutors, Ivy League graduates, and Division 1 athletes.

When you're part of a group, science shows you’re more likely to fall in line. Part of it is the social pressure to do.

And, most importantly, the group’s identity becomes your identity. Top psychology experiments show how quickly a person falls in line with a group that's acting or thinking a different way.

Renowned psychologist Angela Duckworth calls it the power of culture. Over time and under the right circumstances, the norms and values of a group become our own and we internalize them.

Eventually, the way the group does things and why becomes indoctrinated to the person. And becomes the way you do things and why.

Why this matters: Performance anxiety is overcome when you're with the RIGHT people and the RIGHT training environment.

LESSON

1. Join a group with values and behaviors you want to adopt.

2. And make sure it has a training environment that will work to increase your stress and adrenaline tolerance.

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Serenity

Definition | The quality or state of being serene; calmness, tranquility.

Origin | From the Latin word "serenitas," which means calmness or clearness. It is derived from the Latin word "serenus," meaning clear or serene.

Anticipation

Definition | The act of looking forward; especially: pleasurable expectation.

Origin | From the Latin word "anticipatio," which is derived from the verb "anticipare," meaning "to take before, anticipate."

Question

Have you ever paused to consider who you want to be? What character traits you want to live by?

Character refers to the collection of qualities and traits that define an individual's behavior and values. It includes traits like honesty, kindness, fairness, and responsibility.

If you're unsure, reflect on when you're most proud of yourself or identify someone who has the highest possible character and who you aspire to be like.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

61 Anti-anxiety, confusion, and security

No. 61 – 2 Feb 2024

Welcome to the 61st edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating anxiety for optimal performance.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Article

More of our work these days is about the big pitch, presentations, sales calls, etc. There are six crucial paradigm shifts to embed into your mind if you want to shine when it counts.

— Read more​

Quote

Cherie Carter-Scott, on visualizing the impossible:

“Ordinary people believe only in the possible. Extraordinary people visualize not what is possible or probable, but rather what is impossible. And by visualizing the impossible, they begin to see it as possible.”

Insight

Confusion happens when we fail to go deeper and look at what's inside. Confusion is really a lack of clarity and direction. Depth provides meaning and meaning provides clarity. Depth is clarity.

Your performance anxiety is a result of a lack of depth. I lacked it for years until I started challenging myself, physically and mentally.

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Anxious

Definition | Experiencing worry, unease, or nervousness, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

Origin | Mid 16th century: from Latin anxius (from angere ‘to choke’) + -ous.

Arrogant

Definition | Having an excessively high opinion of oneself.

Origin | Late Middle English: via Old French from Latin arrogant- ‘claiming for oneself’, from the verb arrogare.

Question

Performance anxiety has much to do with how you see yourself vis-à-vis the challenge in front of you.

It’s your insecurity that’s causing your anxiety.

Your anxiety is causing your lack of self-confidence. Security is the missing ingredient.

Security = preparation + self-awareness + feedback + risk-taking

Which ingredient, if any, is missing for you? How do you intend to obtain it?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

60 Expectations, reticence, and lack in will

No. 60 – 26 Jan 2024

Welcome to the 60th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating fear and anxiety for optimal performance.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Article

Are you too busy doing what you're "supposed to be doing"? Oftentimes, we're just following someone else's dreams, living a lesser version of someone else.

— Read more​

Quote

Vince Lombardi, on will:

"The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack in will."

Insight

I have a client who is a senior manager. He tends to burn out from working late all the time. Because he doesn't want to be seen as not being a hard worker. 3 timeless steps on how I guided him to fix this:

1. Understand that emotions are everything and everywhere

Your actions and reactions come from your thoughts. Your thoughts come from an event that triggered them. Manage your thoughts and emotions if you want to control your actions.

2. Use kaizen

You have internal resistance. It's the mind telling you that you don’t want to do something. It tells you you're not good enough. It tells you to give up. It tells you to not try.

Kaizen (meaning “continuous improvement”) is a Japanese ancient philosophy and business strategy. It’s about taking small steps toward small goals. It works to circumvent the stress fight-or-flight response in your brain. 2 ways:

a) Sculpt the mind with visual cues

The mind can’t differentiate between imagining doing something and actually doing it. Do it some hours or minutes before an important event. See yourself going through the motions, feel it, see it, smell it. Imagine doing a great job.

b) Put out the small fires

This includes problem-solving incoming negative thoughts Address any incoming negative thoughts before they turn into a downward spiral.

Also includes minding your environment and eliminating distractions that pull you into increasing comfort. Too much comfort makes it more difficult to manage your fears.

3. Use objective perception

Epictetus, teacher of Marcus Aurelius, says, “It is not things themselves that trouble us… but our thoughts about those things.” It’s not the event but the mental impressions you create from the event. This is the source of the problem.

So, give physical definitions to things that happen to you: "Look at the object itself as it is in its essence, in its nudity, and tell yourself the name which is peculiar to it." It's a great way to stay objective and eliminate your subjective judgment.

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Reticent

Definition | Not readily revealing one's thoughts or feelings.

Origin | Mid 19th century: from Latin reticent- ‘remaining silent’, from the verb reticere, from re- (expressing intensive force) + tacere ‘be silent’.

Ennui

Definition | A feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.

Origin | Mid 18th century: French, from Latin in odio(n- ), from mihi in odio est ‘it is hateful to me’.

Question

The ancient Greeks spent a lot of time meditating on their mortality. Rather than being upsetting and a thought to be avoided, knowing that we will die can make us more grateful and appreciative of the time we have.

If you only had 30 more days to live, what would you be doing?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

59 Perspective, cruelty, and healthy anger

No. 59 – 19 Jan 2024

Welcome to the 59th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating fear and anxiety for optimal performance.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Article

We can all be exposed to the same things, but have a very different perception or opinion of it. With practice, you can change your perspective on almost any reality, reduce your worries and fears, and live a more carefree life.

— Read more​

Quote

Leo Roskin, on being a gentle monster:

“It is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong.”

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Peaceful

Definition | Untroubled by conflict, agitation, or commotion.

Origin | Latin pax, tranquility, absence of war.

Safe

Definition | Secure from threat of danger, harm, or loss.

Origin | Middle English sauf, from Anglo-French salf, sauf, from Latin salvus safe, healthy.

Question

Anger is a natural response to perceived threats, injustices, or frustrations. It's a signal that something is amiss and therefore helps us.

However, if suppressed, denied, or projected onto others, anger can become unhealthy, cause inflammation, and even attack our own immune system.

And it lowers our self-esteem and impairs our emotional regulation.

When was the last time you held back your anger or unfairly projected it onto others? What can you do to express it in a healthier way?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

58 Questions, dreams, and asking for help

No. 58 – 12 Jan 2023

Welcome to the 58th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating fear and anxiety for optimal performance.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Article

If you're all about asking questions, you soak in more information. Take it one step further: asking the right questions breeds the right kind of information.

— Read more​

Quote

Kobe Bryant, on the journey:

"Those times when you stay up late and you work hard; those times when you don't feel like working—you're too tired, you don't want to push yourself—but you do it anyway. That is actually the dream. That's the dream. It's not the destination, it's the journey."

Insight

I was talking to someone the other day. He said he's glad he no longer suffers from fear and anxiety. Bullshit. If you're human and you're challenging yourself, it's going to be there. But you can learn to manage and thrive in it.

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Epilithic

Definition | The sense of empowerment and strength derived from overcoming challenges, likened to a plant growing on a hard rock.

Origin | Early 20th century: from epi- ‘upon’ + Greek lithos ‘stone’ + -ic.

Perplexed

Definition | Completely baffled; very puzzled.

Origin | From Old French, from Latin perplexus ('entangled, confused'), from per (“through”) + plexus.

Question

Most people prefer to figure things out on their own. Asking for help is something that makes them feel uncomfortable.

Maybe they're not used to getting help, or they worry it'll make them look ignorant.

Regardless, asking for help is not something to feel bad about. We can't do it all alone. Reaching out is a step towards growth and well-being.

When was the last time you should have asked for help?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

57 Uncontrollable emotions, daily presence, and mudita

No. 57 – 5 Jan 2024

Welcome to the 57th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating fear and anxiety for optimal performance.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Article

One of the biggest mistakes people make is to believe they're incapable of controlling their emotions. The truth is, anyone can do it if they manage their thoughts.

— Read more​

Quote

Hal Elrod, on being present:

“Life isn’t about wishing you were somewhere or someone that you’re not. Life is about enjoying where you are, loving who you are, and consistently improving both.”

Insight

We don’t know what we’re capable of and what could be until we try. There are two types of failure:

1. Never trying because of fear.

2. Trying, failing, and getting back up again.

If you fall under 1 and want to make the shift to 2, ask, what's the worst that can happen?

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Mudita

Definition | Dharmic concept of joy, particularly an especially sympathetic or vicarious joy—the pleasure that comes from delighting in other people's well-being.

Origin | From Pali, an ancient Indian language, and it is one of the key concepts in Buddhism.

Frission

Definition | Brief, intense sensation, often manifested as chills or shivers, usually in response to a powerful or moving experience, such as music, art, or a poignant moment.

Origin | Derived from the Old French verb 'frir', which means to be cold or to shiver.

Question

As the calendar turns from one year to the next, many of us engage in a period of reflection, contemplating the changes we'd like to implement in the upcoming 12 months. It's a common tradition to set New Year's resolutions, yet the challenge lies in the follow-through. Managing our schedules to accomplish those goals is an important, yet underrated task.

Creating new goals for yourself is a great idea, but did you also set specific time aside to tackle them?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

56 Adversity, euphoria, and imposter syndrome

No. 56 – 29 Dec 2023

Welcome to the 56th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating fear and anxiety for optimal performance.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Article

As we step into the New Year, our enthusiasm for crafting resolutions and new challenges is palpable. To stay on track, it's essential to rekindle our relationship with adversity so we can be better prepared for the inevitable waves that come.

— Read more​

Quote

Cory Booker:

"If you fear it, you give it power. If you face it, you gain the strength. If you hate it, you increase darkness. If you love it, you bring the light."

Insight

Everyone fears getting criticized, so, we play it safe. Playing it safe robs you of living your best self. Here are 7 science-backed ways to become a better receiver of criticism:

1. Know your tendencies, i.e., patterns in how you respond. Are you automatically defensive, argumentative? Do you just ignore the feedback?

2. Separate the content of the feedback from the giver of the feedback. Then consider both the content and the giver.

3. Change your perspective on feedback and see it as potential coaching. See it as potentially valuable advice from a fresh perspective.

4. Evaluate the feedback. Unpack it and see what it’s about. Analyze it. Where is it coming from and where’s it going?

5. Be proactive about it, i.e., seek it out and don’t wait to get it. You’re less likely to get defensive about it. You can ask, “What’s one thing you see me doing (or failing to do) that holds me back?”

6. Put the feedback into practice with small experiments. You want to do small experiments to see if it helps you, if not, throw it out.

7. Build a community of support who can give you frank feedback. Build relationships with supporters you can trust and won’t make you defensive.

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Saudade

Definition | A feeling of longing, melancholy, or nostalgia that is characteristic of the Portuguese or Brazilian temperament.

Origin | Portuguese.

Euphoria

Definition | A feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness.

Origin | Modern Latin, from Greek, from euphoros ‘borne well, healthy’, from eu ‘well’ + pherein ‘to bear’.

Question

Imposter syndrome happens when high-achieving individuals doubt their capabilities, even though there's clear evidence of their competence.

They find it hard to accept their own success, leading to constant self-doubt, anxiety, and fear of being exposed as a fraud in their work.

Do you ever doubt yourself? If so, what does it cause you to miss out on?

Happy New Year and till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

55 Embracing stress, FOPO, and criticism

No. 55 – 22 Dec 2023

Welcome to the 55th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating fear and anxiety for optimal performance.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Article

One of the biggest mistakes people make is wanting to eliminate all stress, but a healthy amount can propel us forward.

— Read more​

Quote

Plato, on idleness:

Lack of activity destroys the good condition of every human being.

Insight

Fear of people's opinions (FOPO) has the power to stop you in your tracks. It makes you miss out on countless opportunities at work and in social settings. How can you push past those fears next time they creep up on you?

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Rushed

Definition | Short of time; hurrying.

Origin | late Middle English: from an Anglo-Norman French variant of Old French ruser‘drive back’.

Pressured

Definition | To feel persuaded or coerced into doing something.

Origin | late Middle English: from Old French, from Latin pressura, from press-‘pressed’, from the verb premere.

Question

People will try to bring you down, attack your character, or go out of their way to humiliate you when you're making moves to get ahead.

It makes total sense—they've got insecurities they haven't yet dealt with and brought to light.

If the goal is to live your best true self, you must stay the course despite the friction.

What can you do to stay on track when the heat is on?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

54 Anxiety sources, purpose-based identity, and failure

No. 54 – 15 Dec 2023

Welcome to the 54th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating fear and anxiety for optimal performance.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Article

Where does our anxiety come from? Most of it has to do with other people's opinions. They create fear of humiliation and failure. Here are six science-backed ways to free oneself from this fear.

— Read more​

Quote

Carl Jung, on the importance of knowing thyself:

“The world will ask you who are you, and if you don’t know, the world will tell you.”

Insight

Want to increase your stress tolerance?

Build values. Then goals. Then projects. Then tasks. In that order.

Clarity and breaking things down go a long way in stress tolerance.

Emotion Signpost

Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.

It decreases fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.

Here are 2 to explore:

Self-conscious

Definition | Feeling undue awareness of oneself, one's appearance, or one's actions.

Origin | From Latin conscius 'knowing with others or in oneself'.

Threatened

Definition | To feel vulnerable or at risk; endangered.

Origin | Old English thrēatnian 'urge or induce, especially by using threats'.

Question

We don’t know what we’re capable of and what could be until we try. There are two types of failure:

1. Never trying because of fear.

2. Trying, failing, and getting back up again.

If you fall under 1 and want to make the shift to 2, ask yourself, what's the worst that can happen?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef