13 Indifference, strength, and will

No. 13 – 3 March 2023

Welcome to the 13th edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter with the actionable insights you need.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

TPL Article

One effective way of cultivating inner peace towards others' actions is by practicing indifference.

— Read more​

Insight

James Mattis, retired 4-star US Marine Corps General and former Secretary of Defense, on building strength:

"I will close with a warrior’s prayer from a man who understands:

Give me God, what you still have.

Give me what no one else asks for.

I do not ask for wealth, success, or even health.

People ask you so often, God, for all these things that you cannot have any left.

Give me what people refuse to accept from you.

I want insecurity and disquietude.

I want turmoil and brawl.

And if you should give them to me, my God, once and for all, let me be sure to have them always.

For I will not always have the courage to ask for them."

(Last farewell speech to Marines on deployment before returning to the US).

Micro Thought

Courage is not about facing fears blindly or rushing into things without first learning how to manage the situation.

You have to take the time to educate yourself and learn as much as you can.

Then, when the time comes you can act with courage and boldness.

Question

Think about three things that have happened to you recently that you can't change but haven't come to terms with yet.

What are the obstacles (external) or roadblocks (internal) keeping you from having the will to accept them?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

12 Joy, attitude and power accountability

No. 12 – 24 February 2023

Welcome to the 12th edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter with the actionable insights you need.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

TPL Article

These top character principles and traits will boost your fulfillment and joy.

— Read more​

Insight

Steven Pressfield, on work and effort:

"How many pages have I produced? I don’t care. Are they any good? I don’t even think about it. All that matters is I’ve put in my time and hit it with all I’ve got. All that counts is that, for this day, for this session, I have overcome Resistance."

Micro Thought

Accountability is a powerful motivator.

When you're part of a group, science shows you’re more likely to fall in line.

The social pressure to do so pushes you. And, most importantly, the group’s identity becomes your identity.

Some of the most important psychology experiments in history have demonstrated how quickly an individual falls in line with a group that's acting or thinking a different way.

This is, as renowned psychologist Angela Duckworth puts it, the power of culture. Over time and under the right circumstances, the norms and values of a group become our own and we start to internalize them.

Eventually, the way the group does things and why becomes indoctrinated to the individual and becomes the way you do things and why.

Question

What's one way you can create your accountability community to get you going?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

11 Mentors, happiness, and social glue

No. 11 – 17 February 2023

Welcome to the 11th edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter with the actionable insights you need.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

TPL Article

Great decision-making comes down to calling upon trusted advisors, but what to do when no one's around for advice?

— Read more​

Insight

Dale Carnegie on dealing with people:

"When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion."

Micro Thought

Harvard University started a study in the 1930s to find out the reason behind human happiness and what keeps people going.

The study has lasted over 75 years (still ongoing) making it one of the most comprehensive happiness studies to date.

What the researchers found: people who were more socially connected to their community and friends were happier than others.

It becomes increasingly difficult to connect with others outside of work as we grow older, but it doesn't mean we should forgo the opportunity to meet people. You never know how someone may impact our lives.

(If you want to learn more about the study, here's the link to the TED Talk by Dr. Robert Waldinger, the fourth director of the study.)

Question

Whether it's a parent, celebrity, religious figure or philosopher, we can all use their strength and wisdom as guideposts to help us through life. Do you have a role model or mentor? Who comes to mind when you're stuck?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

10 Eliminating stress, unique superpowers, and tiny steps

No. 10 – 10 February 2023

Welcome to the 10th edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter with the actionable insights you need.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

TPL Article

Feeling stressed or depressed? Explore some effective antidotes from Stoicism and positive psychology.

— Read more​

Insight

Socrates, in Plato's Apology, on successful people enjoying worldly success, who thought they were wise but weren't:

"People to whom intelligence and goodness are unfamiliar, whose only interest is self-indulgence and so on, spend their lives moving aimlessly to and fro between the bottom and the halfway point, which is as far as they reach. But they never travel any further towards the true heights: they've never even looked up there, let alone gone there; they aren't really satisfied by anything real; they don't experience steady, pure pleasure. They're no different from cattle."

Micro Thought

It's never too late to reinvent ourselves. And with ever-changing circumstances, having a flexible identity is crucial to give us room to explore new interests and passions.

Here are some ideas from Robert Greene's Mastery:

1. Go back to your childhood and the basics. What things were you naturally connected to then and now?
2. Combine multiple interests. Our seemingly contrasting interests are what make us unique.
3. Don't follow the masses. Money, fame, attention, status, and so on.

Remember that our uniqueness is what's beautiful. "No great intellect has been without a touch of madness." -Aristotle

Question

Many of us feel stuck with no way out. But there's always a way, if there's a will. The Kaizen strategy teaches us to focus on the incremental improvements using tiny steps. What's the smallest next step you can take to change your situation?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

09 6 ways to deep focus, evening rituals, and self-exile

No. 9 – 3 February 2023

Welcome to the 9th edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter with the actionable insights you need.

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TPL Article

The most precious commodity you have is not money and no longer time—it's deep focus.

— Read more​

Insight

Seneca, on examining the conscience of the day:

“Every day, we must call upon our soul to give an account of itself. This is what Sextius did. When the day was over and he had withdrawn to his room for his nightly rest, he questioned his soul: ‘What evils have you cured yourself of today? What vices have you fought? In what sense are you better?’ Is there anything better than to examine a whole day’s conduct? What a good sleep follows the examination of one’s self!”

Micro Thought

We tend to focus on the negative and on things we can't change.

The Stoics differentiated between what we can and can't control as a way to achieve inner peace. What's under our control includes our intent and actions. What's not includes things like death, health, and fame. Internalizing this distinction and applying it was key.

When we combine this with the power of emotion skills, it teaches us that we have to feel our emotions and dwell a bit.
But then we have to move on and focus on what we can do to make the best of it. To turn a misfortune into opportunity. Only then can we reach a level of inner satisfaction.

Question

Are you being too hard on yourself? Our job, parenting responsibilities, social demands, nutrition, physical and mental health. And often concerned with whether we're doing enough or doing it right. When was the last time you paused, went into exile, reclused yourself, and reflected on your achievements?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

08 Your mindset, influencing, and quitting

No. 8 – 27 January 2023

Welcome to the 8th edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter with the actionable insights you need.

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

TPL Article

The mindset we adopt has profound effects on our lives, whether it's a fixed or growth mindset.

— Read more​

Insight

The Dhammapada (Buddhist scriptures), on unchecked thoughts:

"Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own thoughts, unguarded. But once mastered, no one can help you as much."

Micro Thought

Influencing involves an understanding of human behavior. Not only an awareness of peoples' problems, questions, roadblocks, and dreams, but how they connect to and take in information.

President Bill Clinton mastered the PCM (process communication model) to win the presidency. It's a model that provides valuable insights into the ways people think, feel, and behave. He used it to connect more deeply with his audience. For instance, he infused not only logic into his speeches and arguments but feelings and humor, whereas his opponent, George Bush Sr., focused solely on logic.

Question

Quitting is often perceived as bad. But with more knowledge and information comes increased clarity, and some of the goals we're pursuing may no longer make sense. In this case, quitting to free up time and energy to do the right things may be the best option.

What's your relationship to quitting and are there any tasks or projects in your life that you need to part ways with?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

07 Negative feelings, level 2 thinking, and emotional aspirin

No. 7 – 20 January 2023

Welcome to the 7th edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter with the actionable insights you need.

If you’d like to share this newsletter via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

TPL Article

Contrary to common belief, you can channel negative emotions and thoughts to help you transcend and live to your fullest potential.

— Read more​

Insight

Anton Chekhov, Russian playwright and considered one of the greatest writers of all time, on receiving feedback:

"Man will only become better when you make him see what he is like."

Micro Thought

We all have internal stories we tell ourselves and they affect our thinking. Psychologist and NY Times bestselling author Daniel Kahneman describes the human mind as using two basic modes of thought. System 1 thoughts are typically fast, automatic, and effortless, not introspective by nature. System 2 thoughts are slower, deliberative, and require more attention and introspection.

System 2 thoughts allow for better decision-making and problem-solving and can be reached in part by regulating our emotions and rewriting the old stories that no longer work for us.

Question

Harvard psychologist Susan David highlights the two most common ways people deal with emotions: bottling or brooding. A bottler pushes emotions to the side and tries to get on with things. A brooder obsesses over emotion(s) and stews in their misery. Both are short-term emotional aspirin. Are you one of them?

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

06 Bad patterns, after-action review, and prioritizing

No. 6 – 13 January 2023

Welcome to the 6th edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter with the actionable insights you need.

If you’d like to share this newsletter via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

TPL Article

Wisdom starts with eliminating what stands in the way of your fullest potential, like your negative habitual patterns.

— Read more​

Insight

Blaise Pascal, mathematician and philosopher, on mindfulness:

“All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone.”

Micro Thought

With a new year comes new resolutions and goals. The most successful thinkers, inventors, and leaders conduct an after-action review (AAR).

It's also used widely in the military to reflect and review on the performance of a task or mission, not only identifying mistakes and opportunities for improvement, but also what to do more or less of for your own happiness.

Question

We're 13 days into the new year. Everyone's trickling back in from holiday vacation. Work's piling up again. Everyone's asking you for something.

How do you know when to say yes or no to a personal request or new project so you don't spread yourself thin?

Till next week,
— Carlos

05 Critical thinking, positive thoughts, and filtering

No. 5 – 6 January 2023

Welcome to the 5th edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter with the actionable insights you need.

TPL Article

Critical thinking is not just a disciplined process that makes you a high-level thinker, it's key to solving problems and making great decisions.

— Read more​

Insight

Oscar Wilde, on thinking and emotions:

"The emotions of man are stirred more quickly than man's intelligence."

Micro Thought

There are many ways to handle thoughts and emotions that get in the way of your goals. One powerful ancient technique that Greek philosophers used was rationalization. It's infused in just about every psychology book out there.

Martin Seligman, pioneer of positive psychology, breaks it down into a practical approach called disputation: counter your negative thoughts with evidence before they turn into negative emotions and undesirable behaviors.

Question

When you're working on a goal, you often find multiple ways to achieve it and may get submerged by mountains of information and data. How do you avoid getting overwhelmed and wasting time? Do you have any criteria to filter out what's important at the outset, and if so, is it working for you?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser. Or send them here.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

04 Storytelling, relationships, and decision-making

No. 4 – 30 December 2022

Welcome to the 4th edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter with the actionable insights you need.

TPL Article

If you ever wonder how certain people build lasting connections with others, it's not about feeding facts and information but about good storytelling.

— Read more​

Insight

Epictetus, on dealing with people:

"‘My brother is unfair to me.’ Well then, keep up your side of the relationship; don’t concern yourself with his behavior, only with what you must do to keep your will in tune with nature. Another person will not hurt you without your cooperation; you are hurt the moment you believe yourself to be."

Micro Thought

Making decisions is not purely rational. After all, we are emotional creatures by nature. If something is important enough to you, it's going to involve emotions. Don't automatically discard them in your decision-making process. Instead, try to explore their meaning.

Question

Chances are that if you take a moment to reflect on your life, you have great stories to share. How often do you use those stories in your everyday life when talking about yourself, teaching, or inspiring others?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

03 Mental toughness, bad habits, and the power of journaling

No. 3 – 23 December 2022

Welcome to the 3rd edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter with the actionable insights you need.

TPL Article

Mental toughness is not a mindset, it's a habit, and it involves eliminating bad ones as much as it involves creating good ones.

— Read more​

Insight

William James, philosopher and psychologist, on using behavior to change your emotions:

"Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together, and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not."

Micro Thought

The holidays can trigger a range of emotions and thoughts. And one of the best ways to regulate them is to be mindful by keeping a journal and asking yourself three simple questions:

1. What are your thoughts and feelings?

2. What does your emotional reaction remind you of?

3. Is there a pattern?

Question

As the year comes to a close, do you have a system to evaluate your progress? What can you do differently to add reflection into your life?

If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here then copy and paste the link from your web browser.

Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef

02 Negative thoughts, emotional habits, and self-regulation

No. 2 – 16 December 2022

Welcome to the 2nd edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter with the actionable insights you need.

If you’d like to share our newsletter with your friends, send them here.

TPL Article

If left unchecked, your negative thoughts can turn into bad habits and drive you into a downward negative spiral.

— Read more​

Insight

Epictetus, on countering your thoughts:

"Don’t let the force of the impression when first it hits you knock you off your feet; just say to it, ‘Hold on a moment; let me see who you are and what you represent. Let me put you to the test.’ Next, don’t let it pull you in by picturing to yourself the pleasures that await you. Otherwise it will lead you by the nose wherever it wants. Oppose it with some good and honorable thought, and put the dirty one to rout. Practice this regularly, and you’ll see what shoulders, what muscles, what stamina you acquire."

Micro Thought

Habits are invaluable for discipline. But discipline requires repetition, sometimes mind-numbing and boring repetition. And during these moments, you'll face thoughts and emotions that may derail you and your performance. Those are normal. After all, you're human. The key is to trust the process, stick to your system, and manage your expectations.

Question

When faced with a hard physical or mental challenge, how do you regulate your emotions and thoughts? What do you do or tell yourself?

Till next time,
— Carlos & Stef

01 Fear, courage, and emotional influence

No. 1 – 9 December 2022

Welcome to the 1st edition of 4-TP, a weekly newsletter with the actionable insights you need.

If you’d like to share our newsletter with your friends, send them here.

TPL Article

Without fear, there’s no need for courage. But when fear hits, timeless Stoic lessons can save the day.

— Read more​

Insight

Nelson Mandela, on fear:

“The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

Micro Thought

Emotions have a powerful influence on our lives, both positive and negative. It affects our attention, decision-making, health, creativity, and relationships. Learning to navigate emotions, rather than push them away is a vital step towards mastering the mind.

Question

Do you push away or address the negative emotions you feel during the day? If you push them away, do they resurface?

Till next time,
— Carlos