the True Progress Newsletter
Every Sunday, you’ll get 3 insights, 1 challenge, and 1 tool to help you overcome fear of judgment, rejection, and failure—so you can speak up, take risks, and seize opportunities. Always 3 minutes or less.
Previous Issues
85 How to be instantly more assertive with this hidden superpower
No. 85 – 21 Jul 2024
Welcome to the 85th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
INSIGHTS
*
Countless studies show that true success and happiness come from morals and virtuous action, not goal achievement, wealth, possessions, or status.
Practically, it's having moral character—knowing right from wrong and acting on what's right.
**
Your personal constitution, i.e., moral character, acts as a superpower. It allows you to move with intent and make deliberate choices. You build self-confidence since you're consciously choosing to live based on your values, not someone else's.
And you build strong relationships because your decisions and attitudes become consistent and trustworthy.
***
“In the realm of high performance, moral character is not a nice-to-have; it’s an absolute necessity. It fuels our ability to sustain excellence, build meaningful relationships, and leave a positive legacy that endures long after we are gone.”
— Jim Loehr
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Elevation
Definition | The positive feeling experienced after seeing an act of virtue or human moral beauty.
Example | After witnessing how selfless this man acted to help his elderly neighbor, I experienced a sense of elevation.
Origin | Late Middle English: from Latin elevatio(n- ), from elevare ‘raise’.
CHALLENGE
Having a list of core values is one of the most powerful ways to stop overthinking and be more assertive. Do you know yours?
Create a list of values that resonate deeply with you. Keep it close and review it often.
How to do it: Reflect on when you are most proud of yourself—physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Think about the times when you are at your best. Identify 3-5 one-word descriptors that best capture who you are in those moments. These are your values.
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
84 You're wasting your years if you don't have this in your life
No. 84 – 14 Jul 2024
Welcome to the 84th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
The US Judo Championship is just two weeks away, but last week, I broke my toe during training.
After countless hours and weeks of preparation, my chance to compete is in jeopardy.
Reflecting on that day, I realize my mistake: I wasn’t fully present.
Simply being there isn’t enough; full engagement is crucial.
When you lose focus, you make costly mistakes, and I paid the price.
INSIGHTS
*
Having a mentor accelerates your progress and curbs your stress level. They help you come up with a clear roadmap, warn you of pitfalls, offer invaluable guidance, and give the feedback you need to grow and get to that next level.
**
Life is too short to do it alone. You must borrow wisdom from others’ experiences or risk running out of time to achieve your dreams. Time must be respected.
***
"Show me a successful individual and I’ll show you someone who had real positive influences in his or her life. I don’t care what you do for a living—if you do it well I’m sure there was someone cheering you on or showing the way. A mentor.”
— Denzel Washington
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Patronized
Definition | Feeling treated in a way that is apparently kind or helpful but that betrays a feeling of superiority.
Example | She was determined not to be put down or patronized.
Origin | Middle English patroun "a special guardian or protector," from early French patrun, patron (same meaning), from Latin patronus "patron, patron saint," from earlier patronus "defender," from patr-, pater "father".
CHALLENGE
Do you have heroes, idols, certain people you respect and admire? Who are they?
If they're still alive, how can you build a closer relationship with them and seek out their guidance? Plan it.
If they're no longer alive, what books can you read about their lives and work? What practical guidance can you extract and apply to your life?
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
BOOK REC
Japanese Death Poems by Yoel Hoffman
Japanese poets and Zen monks were known for writing poems on their deathbeds. Reading their poems is a Stoic exercise in meditating on your mortality, helping to cut through the meaningless and zone in on the important things.
The common theme: don't wait to live out your values. Do what matters to you now and stop worrying about what other people are going to think about you because it won't matter in the end.
WIN
Nathan is a supervisor and a successful entrepreneur. He faced challenges in increasing revenue for his business and struggled with his full-time job. He needed to beat his fears and anxieties and build confidence.
In 12 weeks, we transformed him from insecure and stuck to confident and impactful, becoming a highly respected supervisor and successful entrepreneur with multiple scaling opportunities.
Here's how we did it:
Built clarity and a roadmap to identify the sources of his anxiety
Established rock-solid evidence of his capabilities through increasingly difficult physical and mental exercises
Enhanced his emotion regulation and assertive communication skills
Developed self-sustaining systems to bring it all together
Full testimonial here.
We're thrilled to see how far Nathan has come and the incredible transformation he's gone through.
Are you an entrepreneur, senior legal professional, or rising leader who wants to start taking action, build proof of your capabilities, and level up in your professional journey? Click this link to apply for our coaching program.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
83 The secret to being a great anti-pessimist
No. 83 – 7 Jul 2024
Welcome to the 83rd edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
INSIGHTS TO REFLECT ON
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How you explain bad things that happen to you can make a big difference in whether you stay optimistic or become pessimistic. If you believe your failures are permanent, affect every other area of your life, and are mainly your fault, you will feel helpless—permanence, pervasiveness, personalization.
**
When you feel like anything you do will be futile, you adopt tunnel vision, lose perspective, and create a breeding ground for depression.
***
"One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself."
— Lucille Ball
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Apathetic
Definition | Having or showing little or no interest, concern, or emotion.
Example | After failing repeatedly at the task, she felt apathetic and demotivated.
Origin | Borrowed from New Latin apathēticus, from a- A- entry 2 + pathēticus pathetic, after apathīa apathy.
CHALLENGE TO GROW
Think about a recent work failure or problem that you don't feel good about after reflecting on it.
Ask yourself the following three questions:
Is this failure something you truly believe to be permanent and will continue and last or is it temporary?
Example: 'I always flunk public speaking gigs' versus 'I didn't do so well today and need to learn how to improve for the next one'
Can you come up with specific explanations for the failure or do you tend to generalize?
Example: ‘I didn’t prepare as well as I should have for this specific public speaking event’ versus ‘I’m bad at public speaking’
Can you think of reasons for why the failure happened other than just blaming yourself?
Example: ‘I ran out of time to adequately prepare due to other pressing commitments’ versus ‘I’m just bad at public speaking’
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
BOOK JUST READ
The First Rule of Mastery: Stop Worrying About What People Think of You by Michael Gervais
Most of our fear comes from people's opinions. The first rule to beat it is to focus only on what you can control and forget about everything else that's not under your control.
What you can control: your thoughts, words, actions, and attitudes.
What's not under your control: other people's opinions, the past, the future, traffic, weather, other people's actions, other people's happiness, how other people feel.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
82 How to master focus and enjoy more time doing what you love
No. 82 – 30 Jun 2024
Welcome to the 82nd edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
The US Judo Open is one of the most prestigious judo tournaments in the United States. I'll be competing in the 90 kg Veterans division on 28 July.
The training camp has been the most mentally and physically demanding thing I've ever done in my life.
What's helped me push through is repeating my power statement, one sentence I repeat to myself multiple times that reminds me why I'm doing what I'm doing. It's a science-backed hack that helps me stay committed and accountable.
INSIGHTS TO REFLECT ON
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Emotional control fights off your temptations and impulses. But to keep them out of sight and out of mind, it takes modifying your environment.
**
The key to focus is letting go of what can't be changed; keeping your North Star top of mind at all times; detoxing and removing yourself from tech gadgets; respecting your finite energy sources by scheduling intentional recovery sessions; tackling tasks one at a time; and removing rather than adding possessions into your life.
***
"That's been one of my mantras - focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it's worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains."
— Steve Jobs
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Immersed
Definition | Involve oneself deeply in a particular activity or interest.
Example | She immersed herself in her work.
Origin | Early 17th century: from Latin immers- ‘dipped into’, from the verb immergere, from in- ‘in’ + mergere ‘to dip’.
CHALLENGE TO GROW
Take a look at your physical workspace. Is it unorganized (loose papers, books, sticky notes lying around)? A messy workspace leads to increased anxiety and less productivity.
Carve out some time before you start your workweek and spend 10-15 minutes decluttering your workspace.
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
BOOK JUST READ
HBR’s 10 Must Reads - On Managing Yourself
Six questions to help you achieve self-mastery:
What are your strengths?
Are you a reader or listener, or both?
How do you learn? Writing, listening, talking, doing?
What are your values?
Where do you belong? Alone or with people collaborating, in a subordinate or leadership role?
What should you contribute?
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
81 How to make fear work for you, not against you
No. 81 – 23 Jun 2024
Welcome to the 81st edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
I got promoted to major in the US Army Reserve this past week. Some leadership lessons I've learned from being a captain:
Don't focus solely on yourself; others are depending on you.
The higher the rank, the more selflessness is required.
Extreme ownership is key to making a difference.
Actively seek feedback rather than passively waiting around for it.
Having a second passion is a must if you want to be your best self for others.
A real leader listens to understand, not to speak.
Hang around people better than you if you want to grow; be inspired, not jealous.
INSIGHTS TO REFLECT ON
*
Fear creates self-doubt. Self-doubt creates hesitation. Hesitation creates overthinking. Overthinking creates indecision. Indecision keeps you risk-averse and in your comfort zone. Your comfort zone is where imposter syndrome blossoms.
**
Fear is like a temptation that has to be tamed or else it will engulf your mind and take it into a downward spiral of negative thoughts and paralyze you. More often than not those thoughts are based on faulty assumptions or false beliefs, or both. If you put them against actual evidence, they gradually start to lose their grip on you.
***
"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt."
— William Shakespeare
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Insecure
Definition | Not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious.
Example | I feel shy and insecure around strangers.
Origin | Mid 17th century: from medieval Latin insecurus ‘unsafe’, from in- ‘not’ + Latin securus ‘free from care’, or from in ‘not’ + secure.
CHALLENGE TO GROW
When fear starts setting in, you have two immediate choices: become paralyzed or create distance from the fear so you can act despite it.
Breathing is a fundamental emotion regulation protocol that keeps you in the present, shifts you out of your fight-or-flight response, activates your prefrontal cortex, and starts the problem-solving process.
Next time you're feeling fear about an upcoming event, make it a cue to breathe first, then act.
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
BOOK JUST READ
The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
Being disliked means you're doing something right. You're living in line with what's important to you, not a lesser version of someone else.
Contribution breeds a sense of usefulness. A sense of usefulness breeds self-worth. Self-worth breeds self-confidence.
Expectancy is the greatest obstacle to living. You don't know what the future holds, all you know is now.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
80 The #1 false belief affecting every part of your life
No. 80 – 16 Jun 2024
Welcome to the 80th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there.
INSIGHTS TO REFLECT ON
*
Fear of failure keeps you in your comfort zone. Your comfort zone makes you risk-averse. Risk aversion limits your possibilities. Limited possibilities leave you with limited beliefs about yourself.
**
You must constantly remind yourself that failure is information and feedback to reflect on, not confirmation that you're not good enough.
***
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So sail away from the safe harbour. Explore, dream, discover."
— Mark Twain
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Shame
Definition | A painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.
Example | He felt shame for letting his team down during the work project.
Origin | Old English sc(e)amu (noun), sc(e)amian ‘feel shame’, of Germanic origin; related to Dutch schamen(verb) and German Scham (noun), schämen (verb).
CHALLENGE TO GROW
When was the last time you perceived something as a failure? What was it? Were there people around? How did it feel?
Now, consider the following:
"Failure is information and data to analyze so I can improve when I try again, it's not confirmation of my potential because I understand that getting good at anything requires effort and feedback."
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
BOOK JUST READ
We've read plenty of books on accelerated learning, but this one breaks it down into four simple principles. The book uses cooking to illustrate them, but they can be applied to just about any skill.
The acronym is DiSSS:
Deconstruct: Find the LEGO blocks of the thing you're learning, what are the minimal learnable units you should be starting with?
Select: Which 20% of the blocks should you focus on for 80% or more of the outcomes you want (Pareto principle)?
Sequence: In what order should you learn the blocks?
Stakes: How do you set up stakes to create real consequences and guarantee you follow through with the learning program?
Apply this to anything new you have to learn and would like to get good at fast.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
79 You don't need this skill unless you're ambitious
No. 79 – 9 Jun 2024
Welcome to the 79th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
INSIGHTS TO REFLECT ON
*
If you want more focus and higher work output, relying solely on productivity tools and time management systems won't cut it. You need an internal toolkit to fight off emotions so they don't get the best of you.
**
Making logical excuses for why you shouldn't do something and then going back into your comfort zone is the pathway to misery. Eventually, this behavior makes you more anxious, clouds your judgment, messes with your relationships, and cements your risk aversion.
***
"Emotions can be the enemy if you give in to them, or they can be a powerful ally if you learn to control them."
— Tony Robbins
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Resentment
Definition | A feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.
Example | She bore bitter feelings of resentment toward her ex-boss.
Origin | From the French word "ressentiment," which is derived from the verb ressentir, meaning "to feel strongly" or "to feel again."
CHALLENGE TO GROW
Think of a task or goal you had but neglected because it involved putting yourself out there in front of other people.
Now, with task or goal in mind, ask yourself the following questions:
What mood does it put you in? Pleasant or unpleasant?
What emotion does it make you feel?
What might be causing you to feel this way?
This exercise alone should trigger some thoughts and put them into perspective.
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
78 What people get wrong about imposter syndrome and how to beat it
No. 78 – 2 Jun 2024
Welcome to the 78th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
Last week, we had a great turnout at our training hosted by the DC Bar Association where 50+ attorneys participated. We discussed everything from false beliefs around stress and specific ways to master their thoughts and emotions during high stress situations.
INSIGHTS TO REFLECT ON
*
Fear-based stress and anxiety don't care about degrees, experience, or fancy job titles. They only care about keeping you in your comfort zone.
**
The longer you stay in your comfort zone, the more likely you'll suffer from imposter syndrome. The thought that you're not good enough and the accompanying fear that you'll be found out can only be overcome with evidence proving you're capable.
***
“The problem human beings face is not that we aim too high and fail, but that we aim too low and succeed.”
— Michelangelo
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Antsy
Definition | Feeling or showing uncomfortable feelings of uncertainty.
Example | She felt antsy about this important job interview.
Origin | 1950s: probably from the phrase have ants in one's pants.
CHALLENGE TO GROW
When was the last time you felt imposter syndrome at work? What were you doing when you experienced it? Maybe it was a presentation, leadership meeting, new work assignment, or starting a new job?
Acknowledge your achievements and reflect on them regularly by keeping a proof list that describes your accomplishments and the actions you took.
Some questions to get you in the flow:
“What have I done this week that makes me feel capable?”
“If a younger me could see my life now, what would she be proud of?”
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
BOOK JUST READ
Will Storr takes a deep dive into the science and psychology of creative storytelling as a fundamental way to influence and persuade individuals and groups.
He breaks down 4 ways to induce curiosity at the beginning of any story to keep your audience hooked:
Start with a question or paradox
Give a sequence of events but leave a gap somewhere in between
Give expectations and then violate them
Present knowledge of possession of information by someone else
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
77 Ditch pessimism and unlock new opportunities
No. 77 – 26 May 2024
Welcome to the 77th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
Exciting news! We've partnered up with the DC Bar to offer a virtual session on building resilience and inner control for busy professionals and lawyers. Join us on Tuesday at 12PM EST. Click here to reserve your spot. Registration is free, but space is limited!
INSIGHTS TO REFLECT ON
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There's a difference between being realistic and pessimistic—the former gives you a sober view of things. The latter makes you prematurely dismiss opportunities or waste precious time from overthinking and over-preparing.
**
You don't have to be an optimist to feel like things are going well, you just have to know how to counter those inevitable negative thoughts when they come your way. It's an emotional behavior change.
***
"The pessimist complains about the win; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
— William Arthur Ward
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Pessimistic
Definition | Tending to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.
Example | She was pessimistic about the prospects.
Origin | From Latin pessim(us) "worst" (suppletive superlative of malus "bad") + -ism
CHALLENGE TO GROW
When was the last time you didn't do something because of your pessimistic thinking?
Isolate the event that made you have those pessimistic beliefs. Put those beliefs on the stand and cross-examine them with evidence. What's the evidence for and against the beliefs you had? Looking back, would you have acted differently?
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
WIN TO SHARE
K started an eBay reselling business shortly after he lost his job last year. While he had a successful start, his business slowed down significantly due to his fears and anxieties about networking and building relationships with other wholesalers and businesses.
His pessimism affected his confidence, which led to making less money.
We turned that around in 8 weeks and he won a partnership that will level up his eBay business by 25%. We built up his confidence, worked on specific mental challenges, and gave him the Inner Fortress protocols. He worked on cold calling, networking, and pitching to prospects.
Here's how we did it:
We worked on his value system, purpose, vision, and legacy. He built clarity.
We stress-tested his confidence with mental games and challenges. Confidence-building is a game and he just needed to learn how to play it.
Repetition is key. We helped him create proof of his capabilities by having the right kind of emotional experiences that created evidence-based affirmations.
We're proud of where K is at this point. Now, just a few more tweaks with systems and communication.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
76 How to stop regretting poor decisions
No. 76 – 19 May 2024
Welcome to the 76th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
INSIGHTS TO REFLECT ON
*
Clear thinking and good decision-making is a byproduct of slowing down and evaluating your thought process; only then can you start problem-solving and putting your counter-productive, pre-programmed thoughts into perspective.
**
One of the most powerful journaling practices that unlocks your subconscious and takes you right into the moment is simply putting pen to paper and jotting down what comes to mind.
***
"Clear thinking is the key to untangling the knots of complexity."
— Susan Cain
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Determined
Definition | Having made a firm decision and being resolved not to change it.
Example | He was a determined leader and made thoughtful decisions.
Origin | Late Middle English: from Old French determiner, from Latin determinare ‘limit, fix’, from de- ‘completely’ + terminare ‘terminate’.
CHALLENGE TO GROW
What's one decision this past week you regret making or could've made differently if you had more time to evaluate?
Get pen and paper. With the past decision in mind, start writing. Don't think, just write. Give yourself at least 5-10 minutes. You may be surprised at what starts to unravel.
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
75 How to revel in the journey and forget outcomes
No. 75 – 12 May 2024
Welcome to the 75th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
Last week, we gave two trainings for law students, graduate and PhD students, and post-docs at Stetson University College of Law and the University of South Florida. It was a great turnout and lots of good questions.
And not surprisingly, their questions had a common theme—fear of judgment:
How do you stop caring what people think of you without coming off as a jerk?
How do you get over the fear of humiliating yourself in front of your peers and coworkers?
How do you stop overthinking and overpreparing?
INSIGHTS TO REFLECT ON
*
Anxiety keeps pace with hope, through looking into the future—projecting your thoughts far ahead instead of living in the present moment.
**
Challenge is the antidote to living for the future. Because it makes you feel alive, invigorated, and excited after doing it enough times, challenge shifts your focus to being in the present moment. To the process and the journey. That's living.
***
“Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
— Howard Thurman
EMOTION TO MEET
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Contented
Definition | Feeling or showing satisfaction with one's possessions, status, or situation.
Example | She felt peaceful and contented.
Origin | Late Middle English: via Old French from Latin contentus ‘satisfied’, past participle of continere.
CHALLENGE TO GROW
When was the last time you felt truly energized, invigorated, or fully alive? If you can't remember, what activities would evoke those emotions for you?
Pick one and go do it.
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
WIN TO SHARE
One of our clients is an entrepreneur and safety manager. He wanted to level up his career and become a leader but his low confidence was holding him back.
In just six weeks, we redirected his purpose, boosted his physical energy, and helped him break out of his shell using action and building proof of his capabilities.
He went through an intense series of three interviews and got the job he wanted.
Here's how we did it:
We helped him build some fundamental, rock-solid discipline.
We built his north star. Purpose, direction, clarity.
We built his emotional strength. He learned to use key protocols at the right time during live challenges.
Finally, we made sure it was simple and easy for his busy schedule and we kept him accountable during the entire process.
This client is an example of what showing up and putting in the work means. He already had it in him. We just helped him unlock it.
Now it's time to put the icing on the cake— his communication and charisma.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
74 How to turn fear into your best friend
No. 74 – 5 May 2024
Welcome to the 74th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
Insights to Reflect On
*
Fear of people's opinions is a fear of being rejected, humiliated, shamed, ridiculed, judged. It causes you to fear failure and makes you risk-averse.
**
One of the most powerful ways to overcome the fear of caring what other people think of you is to systematically expose yourself to the things triggering it.
***
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
— Eleanor Roosevelt
Emotion to Meet
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Invigorated
Definition | Past tense from the verb invigorate: to give life and energy to.
Example | After my presentation, I felt invigorated and filled with a new sense of excitement.
Origin | Mid 17th century: from medieval Latin invigorat- ‘made strong’, from the verb invigorare, from in-‘towards’ + Latin vigorare ‘make strong’ (from vigor ‘vigor’).
Challenge to Grow
What's one fear that's been holding you back in your role? Fear of public speaking? Difficult conversations? Confrontations? What would it look like if you conquered that fear?
Take a small, intentional step toward exposure. It could be scheduling the event or intentionally creating conflict in a lower-stakes environment.
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
73 Resilience is a must-have skill no one teaches you
No. 73 – 28 Apr 2024
Welcome to the 73rd edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
This week's newsletter is getting a bit of a facelift. Reply to this email and share your thoughts.
Insights to Reflect On
*
Not having resilience affects your attention and learning, decision-making, and creativity.
When you're anxious, your focus narrows and learning is impaired. When you don't know how to manage emotions and failure, it causes you to overthink and stagnate. And, when you can't think outside the box, you can't make those seemingly unrelated connections.
**
Having low expectations prepares you for inevitable failure so that you can bounce back and try again.
***
“Greatness comes from character and character isn’t formed out of smart people—it’s formed out of people who suffered."
— Jensen Huang, CEO of NVIDIA
Emotion to Meet
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
Here's 1 to explore:
Disheartened
Definition | Having lost confidence, hope, and energy.
Example | After failing multiple times, it's hard not to grow disheartened.
Origin | "Discourage, deject, depress the spirits of," 1590s (in "Henry V"), from dis- "the opposite of" + hearten.
Challenge to Grow
When was the last time you experienced a big setback? What emotions did you feel?
Think about 3 ways you can reframe that setback into opportunities.
⌾ Reply to this email and let us know how it went.
Win to Share
K was fearful of conflict and difficult conversations. Underpaid in her job, she finally had a breakthrough when she brought up the courage to ask for a promotion and got it.
Here's how we did it:
We gave her increasingly stressful challenges that mimicked conflict, rejection, and rudeness.
We gave her battle-tested emotion regulation protocols to use before, during, and after each challenge.
We taught her practical assertive communication techniques.
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
72 Feedback, crowd pleaser, denial
No. 72 – 21 Apr 2024
Welcome to the 72nd edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
Article
Taking in feedback is a valuable accelerated learning skill.
You need to learn from mistakes and do it fast so you don’t repeat them.
If you want to be your best self, feedback is critical.
But the ego gets in the way. I’m a victim of this. This is how I tame my ego to let feedback in.
Know your tendencies
How do you usually respond when you get criticized over something in your job or personal life? How do you react? Are you defensive, inquisitive, ignoring, argumentative?
Build awareness first. Then change your response to one of open-mindedness and listening.
— Read more
Quote
This quote summarizes the importance of checking in with your thoughts regularly. Your thoughts guide your emotions and actions. Your thoughts are the story you tell yourself about yourself, your internal narrative.
Watch your thoughts, for they become your words.
Watch your words, for they become your actions.
Watch your actions, for they become your habits.
Watch your habits, for they become your character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
— Lao Tzu
Insight
In my 20s, one of my most significant mistakes was falling into the crowd's expectations: completing law school, pursuing a 9-5 job, pushing myself with long hours, and accepting every task that came my way. This path eventually led to burnout by the age of 31, leaving me feeling out of sync with both my career and lifestyle choices.
Emotion Signpost
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.
Here are 2 to explore:
Denial
Definition | The action of declaring something to be untrue.
Example | She shook her head in denial after learning that she didn't get the promotion she hoped for.
Origin | From Middle English denyen, from Old French denoier (“to deny, to repudiate”) (French dénier), from Latin denegare (“to deny, to refuse”), from de- (“away”) and negare (“to refuse”).
Defensive
Definition | Very anxious to challenge or avoid criticism.
Example | He was very defensive about that side of his life.
Origin | Late Middle English: from Old French défensif, -ive, from medieval Latin defensivus, from Latin defens-‘warded off’, from the verb defendere.
Question
I used to procrastinate every day until I discovered the power of building systems around my goals, projects, and actions.
When faced with daunting projects, we often take two paths: feeling overwhelmed and postponing tasks, or feeling overwhelmed but implementing systematic planning and prioritization.
One of the most impactful strategies I've adopted is learning to prioritize tasks right from the start. This can involve a simple list that you review regularly, keeping your priorities front and center. You can even organize it by quarter and/or month.
What are some ways you use to prevent procrastination from spiraling into anxiety? Do they save you time in the long run?
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
71 Boundaries, exposure therapy, and procrastination
No. 71 – 14 Apr 2024
Welcome to the 71st edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
Article
The effects of fearing other people's opinions (FOPO):
"FOPO is a type of fear that we learn from past experiences.
It causes you to obsess over your thoughts and feelings of other people. It ruminates in your mind and takes up mental real estate.
It causes us to play it safe because we fear what may happen if we make a mistake or get criticized.
It causes us to surrender our viewpoint and be agreeable.
We don’t raise our hand and speak up.
We bite our tongue.
We look to please instead of living out our authentic selves.
We externalize our self-esteem and self-worth. If people approve of us, we’re good. If they don’t, it’s a bad day.
We live out other people’s dreams instead of following our true path.
We limit our beliefs, saying things like, “I’m not good enough” or “I could never do that.”
You have a general fear of being disliked.
You’re exhausted from worrying about other people’s judgment of you."
How to free yourself from it?
— Read more
Quote
Gratitude is the gateway to positive emotions. Positive emotions give hope. Hope is a key ingredient in staying optimistic and resilient.
"Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings."
— William Arthur Ward
Insight
Putting yourself in the environment in which you want to improve a skill is a key accelerated learning technique.
Psychologists call it exposure therapy. This happens to be an optimal way to manage the causes of your anxiety. Over time, with the right frameworks and emotion regulation strategies, we learn to be comfortable in the uncomfortable.
Here's the kicker: it has to be scheduled so that you build momentum.
Emotion Signpost
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.
Here are 2 to explore:
Pessimistic
Definition | Tending to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.
Example | He was pessimistic about the chances that he would succeed.
Origin | Late 18th century: from Latin pessimus ‘worst’, on the pattern of optimism.
Idealistic
Definition | Believing that very good things can be achieved, often when this does not seem likely to other people.
Example | He supports a number of idealistic causes.
Origin | From the Ancient Greek idea (ἰδέα) from idein (ἰδεῖν), meaning "to see".
Question
When we're procrastinating, we do things that replace what we're supposed to do. It's a mild form of addiction replacement, which gives us a sense of accomplishment. Then, anxiety comes along and triggers us to complete the thing we put off and should've been doing in the first place.
One key way to overcome procrastination is to remind the mind that it can do hard things. Things like a cold shower or cold immersion. Anything that requires friction and effort.
Having a list of activities that help us get out of procrastination helps us be proactive about it so when it strikes you're prepared.
What are three things you can add to your anti-procrastination list?
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
70 Navy SEAL tactics, losing friends, trust
No. 70 – 7 Apr 2024
Welcome to the 70th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on mastering fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
We've decided to change things up a little bit. We'll be sending out our newsletter on Sundays from now on.
Article
When faced with a tough project or leading an important meeting, your thoughts will determine your outcome. They will lead you to unmanaged anxiety or give you the mental fuel to succeed. After lots of research and trial and error, I found one tried and battle-tested approach to effective thought control.
— Read more
Quote
"Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it’ll always get you the right ones."
— John Lennon
Insight
I'm obsessed with good decision-making.
Good writing → good thinking → good decision-making
I learned good writing after $125,000 of law school. Here are 3 simple rules you can steal to get you from good writing to good decision-making:
Writing clearly → clear thinking → emotional regulation
Emotional regulation → good decisions → good actions
1. KISS
Keep it simple silly.
Simple is clear and to the point.
Strip your writing to its cleanest parts.
Take out every word that has no function and make every long word shorter.
Fix every passive sentence into the active voice.
Constantly ask what you're trying to convey to the reader.
Then look at what you just wrote and ask whether you answered the question.
Is it clear to someone encountering the subject for the first time?
Read your drafts out loud.
2. Take out the clutter
Zone in on the words you use.
At the present time, presently → now
Utilize → use
Experiencing pain → it hurts
More examples:
Assistance → help
Numerous → many
Initial → first
Implement → do
Don't try to sound smart.
Use plain English. Watch out for word clusters:
"I might add" → Don't add, just say it.
"It should be pointed out" → Don't point it out, say it.
"It is interesting to note" → If it's interesting, just say it.
How to apply rule:
Use brackets between words or sentences you think may not be doing any useful work.
Then read the sentence and words without the brackets to see if it still makes sense.
3. Don't focus on style
Writing is a craft with principles, like carpentry. You first need to learn how to saw wood and drive nails in correctly. Focus on the principles first.
With style, trying to add it is like adding a toupee. At first, the bald man looks nice with it on, but after a while, you notice he just doesn't look right. He doesn't look authentic. The same is true with trying to write with style. People want authenticity.
How to apply rule:
Be yourself and don't try to adopt any style.
How to be yourself: write in the first person.
If you can't use "I" in your writing, write the first draft with "I" and then take it out later.
Emotion Signpost
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.
Here are 2 to explore:
Pessimistic
Definition | Tending to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.
Example | He was pessimistic about the prospects.
Origin | From the Latin word pessimus, meaning 'the worst'.
Apathetic
Definition | Showing or feeling no interest, enthusiasm, or concern.
Example | People have been surprisingly apathetic to these important social problems.
Origin | Mid-18th century: from apathy, on the pattern of pathetic.
Question
Whenever you're working on a new goal, two things are important to keep top of mind: managing expectations and trusting the process.
There is going to be some trial and error in the beginning. There are going to be setbacks. The mind is adjusting to new levels of discomfort. Manage expectations.
Progress is often invisible until it becomes visible. Give it time. Trust the process.
Often, it's these two factors that derail us and make us quit after setbacks.
What are some things you can do to keep these two factors top of mind?
Here are some questions to help:
Am I setting realistic initial goals?
How long have I been on this journey so far?
Have I truly dedicated enough effort to this?
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
69 Harvard's best, sacrifice, and emotional derailing
No. 69 – 29 Mar 2024
Welcome to the 69th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
Article
Harvard Business Review (HBR) has published countless articles from leading psychologists, professors, practitioners, and scientists on resilience-building, eliminating self-doubt, and beating imposter syndrome. We've summarized them for you and they're quite telling.
— Read more
Quote
Kobe Bryant, on mastery and balance:
"If you really want to be great at something, you have to truly care about it. If you want to be great in a particular area, you have to obsess over it. A lot of people say they want to be great, but they're not willing to make the sacrifices necessary to achieve greatness. They have other concerns, and they spread themselves out.... Greatness isn't easy to achieve. It requires a lot of time, a lot of sacrifices. It requires a lot of tough choices. It requires your loved ones to sacrifice, too. So you have to have an understanding circle of family and friends. People don't always understand just how much effort from how many people goes into one person chasing a dream to be great. There's a fine balance between obsessing about your craft and being there for your family. It's akin to walking a tightrope. Your legs are shaky, and you're trying to find your center. Whenever you lean too far in one direction, you correct your course and end up over leaning in the other direction. So you correct by leaning the other way again. That's the dance. You can't achieve greatness by walking a straight line."
Emotion Signpost
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.
Here are 2 to explore:
Earnest
Definition | Characterized by or proceeding from an intense and serious state of mind.
Example | She was so earnest it was hard not to believe her.
Origin | Middle English ernest, from Old English eornost; akin to Old High German ernust earnest.
Reserved
Definition | Restrained in words and actions.
Example | He was by nature a reserved man but not a cold one.
Origin | Middle English: from Old French reserver, from Latin reservare ‘keep back’, from re- ‘back’ + servare ‘to keep’.
Question
To improve at anything, discipline is crucial.
But to truly master it, you also need emotion skills.
Often, it's our frustration, impatience, boredom, fear, stress, and anxiety that derail us and make us complain and quit.
The journey is full of ups and downs.
The real power comes in knowing how to navigate our emotions so they don't stop us from reaching our goals.
It starts with allowing yourself to feel your emotions.
What can you start doing today to stop running away from your feelings and let them in?
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
68 Shaolin monks, terror, and presenting
No. 68 – 20 Mar 2024
Welcome to the 68th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
Article
Shaolin monks are some of the most mentally tough humans in the world. They finger-punch trees, shatter stones with their bare hands, and bend metal pipes with their heads. Their mental strength is deeply rooted in one specific physical discipline.
— Read more
Quote
Jon Kabat-Zinn, on managing expectations:
"You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."
Emotion Signpost
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.
Here are 2 to explore:
Discouraged
Definition | Having lost confidence or enthusiasm; disheartened.
Example | Sarah refused to be discouraged from pursuing her dreams of becoming a successful entrepreneur.
Origin | From Old French descouragier, from des- (expressing reversal) + corage‘courage’.
Disengaged
Definition | Emotionally detached.
Example | During the meeting, it was evident that several team members were disengaged.
Origin | From Middle French, from des- dis- + engager to engage.
Question
Chances are you've read Atomic Habits by James Clear. Great book with a clear roadmap for habit development. However, science shows that breaking down all your habits into easy, frictionless actions may not be the best way to motivate you.
Effort is the way. It produces dopamine. Dopamine makes you come back for more. When you're practicing anything, especially things you don't want to do because they scare you, effort is critical. Like public speaking or delivering a pitch to executives or investors.
The more you push yourself, the more dopamine you produce. The less effort you put in, the less motivated you become.
How can you infuse more effort into your life to keep you motivated?
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
67 Losers, fools, and emotional hijacking
No. 67 – 15 Mar 2024
Welcome to the 67th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
Article
There are two proven ways to quench your self-doubt and stop selling yourself short. It has to do with contribution and effort.
— Read more
Quote
Epictetus, on managing your expectations:
"If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid."
Emotion Signpost
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.
Here are 2 to explore:
Hopeless
Definition | Feeling or causing despair about something.
Example | When he was notified of his terminal illness, he felt hopeless.
Origin | Late Old English hopa (noun), hopian (verb), of Germanic origin; related to Dutch hoop (noun), hopen (verb), and German hoffen (verb).
Helpless
Definition | Unable to defend oneself or to act without help.
Example | She felt helpless when she got a flat tire on the side of the road.
Origin | Old English helpan (verb), help (noun), of Germanic origin; related to Dutch helpen and German helfen.
Question
Self-control isn't just a buzzword. It's about managing emotions to reach your goals. Without it, you can’t make good decisions because your fear, stress, and anxiety are hijacking your ability to think clearly. Concentration also falters as emotions take over. Start by recognizing your emotions today. This is the first step to controlling them.
What easy thing can you do today to keep track of your feelings throughout the day?
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
66 Mastery, impact, and the scientific method
No. 66 – 8 Mar 2024
Welcome to the 66th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
If you’d like to share this newsletter issue via text, social media, or email, just click here, then copy and paste the link from your web browser.
Article
The 5 surprising areas where mastering your emotions matters most.
— Read more
Quote
Ruth Bader Ginsburg, on making an impact:
Whatever you choose to do, leave tracks. That means don’t do it just for yourself. You will want to leave the world a little better for your having lived.”
Insight
How do Elon Musk, Obama, and Jacinda Ardern manage to command presence in high-pressure situations? It's not confidence. It's a byproduct of something deeper. If you can do this, you're in the top 1%.
It's adaptation to change and uncertainty. To stress. They have practiced the science and art of intentionally putting themselves under increasing levels of pressure. It's counter-intuitive but highly effective.
Here's how they do it:
1. Raise the stakes
Put yourself in increasingly challenging situations.
2. Do it often
You must do this multiple times per week. Schedule it.
3. Do it in multiple areas of your life
Not just work. Make a list of fears: physical, relationships, etc.
Emotion Signpost
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.
Here are 2 to explore:
Frustration
Definition | The feeling of being upset or annoyed, especially because of an inability to change or achieve something.
Origin | Mid 16th century: from Latin frustratio(n-), from frustrare ‘disappoint’.
Resignation
Definition | The acceptance of something undesirable but inevitable.
Origin | Late Middle English: via Old French from medieval Latin resignatio(n-), from resignare ‘unseal, cancel’.
Question
Trying things out is part of the journey of getting better at your craft. And often the key is to move with velocity.
This means failing fast, analyzing results, getting feedback, then making adjustments and reiterating.
This is the scientific method, which scientists have embraced as the art of failing often.
How can you apply this method to improve a skill you're currently working on?
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef