60 Expectations, reticence, and lack in will
No. 60 – 26 Jan 2024
Welcome to the 60th edition of the True Progress Newsletter, a weekly newsletter on beating fear and anxiety for optimal performance.
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Article
Are you too busy doing what you're "supposed to be doing"? Oftentimes, we're just following someone else's dreams, living a lesser version of someone else.
— Read more
Quote
Vince Lombardi, on will:
"The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack in will."
Insight
I have a client who is a senior manager. He tends to burn out from working late all the time. Because he doesn't want to be seen as not being a hard worker. 3 timeless steps on how I guided him to fix this:
1. Understand that emotions are everything and everywhere
Your actions and reactions come from your thoughts. Your thoughts come from an event that triggered them. Manage your thoughts and emotions if you want to control your actions.
2. Use kaizen
You have internal resistance. It's the mind telling you that you don’t want to do something. It tells you you're not good enough. It tells you to give up. It tells you to not try.
Kaizen (meaning “continuous improvement”) is a Japanese ancient philosophy and business strategy. It’s about taking small steps toward small goals. It works to circumvent the stress fight-or-flight response in your brain. 2 ways:
a) Sculpt the mind with visual cues
The mind can’t differentiate between imagining doing something and actually doing it. Do it some hours or minutes before an important event. See yourself going through the motions, feel it, see it, smell it. Imagine doing a great job.
b) Put out the small fires
This includes problem-solving incoming negative thoughts Address any incoming negative thoughts before they turn into a downward spiral.
Also includes minding your environment and eliminating distractions that pull you into increasing comfort. Too much comfort makes it more difficult to manage your fears.
3. Use objective perception
Epictetus, teacher of Marcus Aurelius, says, “It is not things themselves that trouble us… but our thoughts about those things.” It’s not the event but the mental impressions you create from the event. This is the source of the problem.
So, give physical definitions to things that happen to you: "Look at the object itself as it is in its essence, in its nudity, and tell yourself the name which is peculiar to it." It's a great way to stay objective and eliminate your subjective judgment.
Emotion Signpost
Neuroscience and brain-imaging research shows that properly naming an emotion is critical to managing and taming it.
It's key to decreasing fear and anxiety, becomes a pause for reflection, and increases understanding of yourself and others.
Here are 2 to explore:
Reticent
Definition | Not readily revealing one's thoughts or feelings.
Origin | Mid 19th century: from Latin reticent- ‘remaining silent’, from the verb reticere, from re- (expressing intensive force) + tacere ‘be silent’.
Ennui
Definition | A feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.
Origin | Mid 18th century: French, from Latin in odio(n- ), from mihi in odio est ‘it is hateful to me’.
Question
The ancient Greeks spent a lot of time meditating on their mortality. Rather than being upsetting and a thought to be avoided, knowing that we will die can make us more grateful and appreciative of the time we have.
If you only had 30 more days to live, what would you be doing?
Till next week,
— Carlos & Stef
